Check, mate!
by Druzhnik
Summary: This is a simple story about a woman's infatuation turning into love. Set during the events of ME3, we follow Samantha Traynor closely in her pursuit to get closer to the one person she admires. Will she succeed? Or will her actions and devotion go unnoticed? (Own interpretation of ME3 but closely following canon, Fem!Shep x Traynor)
1. Setting The Scene

**A/N: I have always wanted to see more of Samantha Traynor because I think she's just such a funny and interesting character in the game, plus the romance with Shepard is very nice. However, I feel that more attention could've been given to Traynor in a romanceable role. So basically this story is about the Fem!Shep x Traynor romance, I'm taking stuff from the actual game but I'm also changing things around and I don't intend to follow the exact storyline. This is my very first attempt at writing a story so this is a short introductory chapter and reviews are VERY MUCH appreciated! I would love to continue this story but I don't want to be proverbially flogging a dead horse... Also, my native language is not English, so any helpful comments/redactions on that part would also be appreciated.**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - CIC]

Specialist Traynor nervously looked about the CIC as she prepared her latest report on possible Cerberus activities at the Grissom Academy for the Commander. Was it stupid to want the deck to look clean for the Commander? She really did want it to look clean. But why? In the years she worked in the labs she had never wanted them to look clean for her superiors. Why now? Surely, she's grown up enough to have stopped mooning over someone like some 12-year old over basically nothing. Shepard was just being friendly when they first met. So no mooning then. Right?

Wrong.

When she noticed the Commander walking brusquely into the CIC, the Specialist almost deleted her report by accident. She really needed to start looking at the screen more often instead of...somewhere else.

"Specialist Traynor," Shepard said, acknowledging Samantha's presence with a curt nod. Traynor found herself struggling to remember why she had asked for Shepard. The Commander's piercing green eyes seemed to look right through Traynor, possibly even far beyond her. The scar running through her left eyebrow made the Commander look oddly cute when she arched it.

_Why is she arching her eyebrow? Oh, right, I should say something_, the Specialist thought. "Uh...mh...Commander," Traynor stammered, already feeling stupid and insignificant.

"Are you alright, Specialist?" Shepard continued to look straight at her. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Am I that scary?" Shepard's vague smile was not touching her eyes.

_A beautiful ghost. One that makes you want to walk towards it instead of running from it. One that makes you want to reach for it, touch it. One that - shit, focus. Need to focus!_

"Um...yes. No! I haven't, Commander. Seen a ghost." _Really? Are you serious, Samantha? That is the best you can say?_ "It's just that, well, I'm worried about something." _Ok, good save. This gives an opening to talk about the Grissom Academy._

"What is it you're worried about, Specialist Traynor?" Shepard asked, maybe a tad worryingly, but that might have just been Samantha's imagination.

"I have received disturbing information concerning the Grissom Academy, Commander." She brought up the school's file on screen. "They have sent a distress signal and a turian vessel seems to have responded to it. Only...I'm not sure whether it is genuine. EDI and I have connected it to a previous signal and I think Cerberus is behind it. I think the school is under Cerberus attack." As Traynor finished, she felt proud of herself that this report at least had gone more smoothly than the first time.

Shepard appeared to consider the information for what felt like minutes. Traynor grew increasingly uncertain of her delivery, had she been unclear after all? Did she say anything stupid?

"Thank you, Specialist," Shepard finally said, voice flat. With that, she walked away, auburn hair _swaying magnificently from left to right and back as she_ _glides toward the elevator. Get a grip! She's just walking, not gliding. But her hair looks - GROW UP!_

When Shepard was gone, Samantha couldn't help but feel just a little proud of herself. She had just relayed information to the Commander that could potentially save lives. _And endanger the Commander's...damn, I shouldn't think about it that way._ _I Can't. Besides, the Commander probably isn't into women anyway. What if she likes that Vega-hulk? Which doesn't mean she can just go off and die, of course. Not without me getting to know her better first. And preferably not after that, either._

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Mess hall]

The Commander had not come to see her after the mission. She had been right about Cerberus being involved and it stung that Shepard had not bothered to come thank her for the info. Of course Shepard had already thanked her _before_ the mission, but that didn't count. Not really, anyway.

As Samantha was mulling over what she considered to be a painful reminder of her own insignificance on-board the _Normandy_, she accidentally bumped into Dr. Chakwas who was in the midst of a fierce battle with the coffee machine.

"Ow! Watch it, Specialist, or I will stop looking for that toothbrush you told me about. Do you know how this damned thing works?" Chakwas asked, frowning and pointing at the coffee machine.

"I do, as a matter of fact, but I will only tell you if you promise to find me a replacement toothbrush. Please? And sorry I bumped into you, I was lost in thought," Traynor answered. _See? I can be funny and witty. Why do I suddenly turn into a blubbering fool when I'm talking to the Commander while I'm doing well with everyone else? It's not fair._

Chakwas laughed at that and nodded. "Fine, though you will have to tell me what you were thinking about. I'm a Doctor, I can help you, you know."

Samantha hit the coffee machine on its right lower side and suddenly the coffee started pouring out. "Ha! There you go. And no, don't think you can fool me. You're a physical doctor, not a psychologist. And I don't need help, I'm fine." Chakwas' eyes narrowed, and her thin smile made her look mischievous. Traynor smelled the fire burning and quickly tried to change the subject. "Besides, shouldn't you be drinking _Serrice Ice Brandy? _Why are you drinking coffee, anyway?" Chakwas shook her head and walked away, silently laughing to herself.

As Dr. Chakwas entered the med bay, she opened a connection to Shepard's omni-tool. "Commander, can you come see me for a second? I need to tell you something," she said, just loud enough for Traynor to hear before the door swooshed shut.

_Shit._


	2. Sssspecialist

**A/N: there will be some serious content coming into this story soon too, as well as romantic fluff, so bear with me! Special thanks to ShadowBlazer for giving me some useful tips on character development. I now have a pretty good idea of who my Shepard is. Please feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think! Also, if you find any typos or grammatical errors, let me know.**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Med bay]

"And so that child essentially tells me I should be getting drunk instead of drinking coffee, so I figured I might as well invite you to my little party with the _Serrice Ice Brandy _bottle," Dr. Chakwas laughed, looking at the Commander merrily.

Shepard, having donned her N7 hoodie and plain black fatigue pants before coming down to the med bay, casually leaned against the wall. "I don't think that _child _is much younger than I am, good Doctor. Do you talk about me that way behind my back too?" Shepard's eyes lit up as she laughed along with Chakwas, temporarily forgetting all the things she had been worrying about earlier.

"No, I tend to call you _teenage ruffian_, though I could give you a downgrade if you so wish, Commander. Besides, that is not the point. The point is that apparently everyone on this ship is aware of my fondness of a good bottle of _Serrice Ice Brandy. _And it's gotten so bad that I can't even go get coffee for myself without practically being called a drunk," Dr. Chakwas joked. "If you share this bottle with me, at least we'll both be half drunk."

Shepard appeared slightly bemused by Dr. Chakwas' twisted logic but then decided not to call her out on it. "Challenge accepted, _grandma," _she teased, then added in a serious tone, "since we're talking about other crew members, how are you fitting in, Karin? Besides your obvious and out-of-control drinking problem, that is." Shepard treated herself and Dr. Chakwas to a refill and looked at the Doctor, a twinkle still entertaining her striking green eyes, so oddly flecked with blue.

"Can't complain. The _Normandy_ crew is as nice as ever. And I'm still serving humanity by doing my duty," Chakwas replied. "How about you? Anyone in particular you're interested in... _fitting in_?" A mischievous grin accompanied Chakwas' insinuating tone.

The Commander arched an eyebrow and studied Dr. Chakwas. Suddenly lost in thought, she lowered her head and sighed. "No, not since Liara and I broke up. I haven't been able or willing to focus on any kind of romantic feelings since the Collector's base anyway. But enough of that, hit me with another round!" Shepard's smile was back, but it wasn't touching her eyes anymore.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Women's bathroom]

Specialist Traynor was standing in front of the mirror in the women's bathroom, thinking. The downside of not having one's own quarters meant that it was hard to find a place where one could be alone for a while. The bridge and CIC were always full of people and so were the mess hall and sleeping quarters. There was usually someone on the observation decks looking out the port windows, not to mention all the crew members working on the engineering deck and in the shuttle bay. Though life support could sometimes offer perfect seclusion, in Traynor's experience it was most quiet in the women's bathrooms. At night at least.

_Did Dr. Chakwas figure out I have a stupid girl crush on the Commander? She couldn't have, could she? We didn't even _mention _the Commander! Or am I seeing too much into this? Maybe I should just try to be formal with the Commander. I mean, not that I haven't tried before, but, maybe I should try harder. No gawking. When those eyes look at me...HA! Who am I kidding? I can't stop gawking at Shepard. I'm not _ _dead...yet._

The Specialist didn't even notice the door moving and the silhouette staggering into the bathroom, when suddenly a movement behind her made her jump. Gasping for breath, she turned around and looked straight at the Commander who stood there smiling stupidly but sadly at her Comm Specialist.

"Whyyy are you heeeere in my wroom?" Shepard slurred, still smiling her sad smile.

For once, Traynor's mind did not take side-turns before coming to the point. "Commander, this is the women's bathroom on the third deck. Let me take you to your quarters," she stated, proud of her curt but friendly delivery.

Shepard shot a puzzled look at Traynor and looked around. Apparently deciding Samantha might be right, the Commander turned around and staggered back towards the door. Traynor's arm, quickly wrapped around the Commander's side, kept her from toppling over. The human Spectre emanated warmth, pleasant warmth. The Commander rested her head on Traynor's shoulder and let herself be herded out of the bathrooms.

"Come on, Commander, let's get you back to bed safely," Traynor reassured her superior officer. _Of course I can talk properly when she's down. Great. What a useful find. What made her drink so much anyway? Was she just having a good time? That wouldn't be very responsible for a commanding officer. Maybe the Reaper war is weighing more heavily on her than she lets on..._

As they were walking toward the elevator, Shepard looked at Traynor and then proceeded to start laughing hysterically, as if suddenly remembering something. Traynor immediately forgot her worried thoughts from just a second ago as she felt her cheeks redden in a failed attempt to understand the Commander's sudden outburst of ridiculously loud laughter. "Commander...you'll w-wake the crew...um...shhhh!...please?" _Oh bloody hell. I'm insecure again. Hi, comfort zone!_

The elevator door opened and Shepard disentangled herself from Traynor, effectively launching herself into the elevator. Somehow she managed to stay upright and punch the button that has "Captain's Cabin" written next to it.

"I'll get there, sssspecialist," she stammered, still laughing.

Traynor could only stand there and look baffled as the elevator door started to close. Before swinging fully shut, she heard Shepard chuckling to herself.

"A child, shhhe said, ehehehehe". _Does she mean me? Why- great. This experience will surely have a positive influence on my talking skills in front of the Commander. On second thought, maybe I should quit my job. The Commander will probably hold this little encounter against me. If she even remembers anything at all. _As Traynor headed toward the crew sleeping quarters, she weighed her options. _No. I need to stay. If something is troubling her, I want to help._

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Bridge]

A massive headache had been plaguing the Commander ever since she got up early this morning. She had had a drunken and troubled sleep, which usually combines into a bad mood the next day. Her auburn hair was completely dishevelled when she woke up and she was still wearing the hoodie and fatigue pants she had worn when going to see Dr. Chakwas. She had taken a quick shower to get the stink of alcohol off her and put on her formal N7 attire she usually wore when on duty. Worst of all, she had no idea what had happened after she had left Dr. Chakwas' office. This had not happened to her ever since she took over command of the _Normandy_.

Walking slowly onto the bridge as to not get dizzy, she encountered Joker and EDI as they were in the middle of one of their arguments about the appropriate air temperature on the ship.

"How can you judge what's appropriate, EDI? Your silver body, however sexy, doesn't even _feel_ the temperature!" Jeff exclaimed.

When EDI was about to open her mouth for a retort that was probably of pilot-crushing quality, Shepard cleared her throat noisily.

"Oh, hi Commander," Jeff said in his usual slightly sheepish tone.

"Good morning, Commander," EDI began, "or rather, bad morning if my reading of your facial expression and body language is correct".

Shepard grunted and nodded in acknowledgement of EDI's observation. "EDI, can you track my movements of yesterday evening after I left Dr. Chakwas' office?" she said, her tone clearly tired and forced. "As you wish, Commander," came EDI's swift reply. "You went to the women's bathroom and then came out thirty seconds later with Specialist Traynor. She had one arm wrapped around your side and walked you to the elevator, at which point you wriggled loose of her grip and went up to your cabin alone and, as you humans would put it, crashed on the bed."

Shepard grimaced as she shook her head in disbelief. "Can you play the records of my conversation with the Specialist, please?" she asked while squinting her eyes-not in the least to protect them from too much light falling in. The Commander was not looking forward to the results, but she needed to know whether she had done or said anything to undermine her position with her crew.

"Certainly, Commander," EDI replied. "Playing the records now."

"_Whyyy are you heeeere in my wroom?_

_..._

_Commander, this is the women's bathroom on the third deck. Let me take you to your quarters._

_..._

_Come on, Commander, let's get you back to bed safely._

_..._

_[hysterical laughter]_

_..._

_Commander...you'll w-wake the crew...um...shhhh!...please?_

_..._

_[laughter] I'll get there, sssspecialist._

_..._

_[chuckle] A child, shhhe said, _ehehehehe_!_

_..._

_Hi bed!_

_..._

_[loud snoring]"_

The Commander's expression had gone from bad to worse at each uttered sound or sentence. Jeff just outright started laughing at the very first sentence and hadn't stopped since.

"Why, Commander, I didn't know you had a lisp!" he said teasingly while shielding his head with his hands from Shepard's half-hearted attack.

The Commander grunted and massaged her temples. "I should probably go talk to Traynor..." she said as she walked away. She could still hear Jeff laughing and EDI asking him why he finds this situation so funny before stating that she has some interesting recordings of him too.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - CIC]

Traynor looked up from her monitor as she saw the Commander approaching her. Shepard's eyes looked tired but determined and her hips swayed gracefully with every step she took. Mesmerized by the beauty of Shepard's delicate curves and well-defined muscles, she thought back to last night. After she had gone to bed her thoughts had run rampant through her head. Even though it was public knowledge that the human Spectre had been born and raised on Mindoir and had survived a brutal Batarian slaver attack while witnessing all of her family and friends being slaughtered, Samantha did not know what kind of impact that event had left on the Commander. As a girl of merely 16 years old Shepard had been rescued by a passing Alliance patrol and had enlisted with the military not so long after. Samantha was no psychologist but she knew such a horrible event could make someone emotionally crippled and more likely to start drinking heavily. On the other hand, news reports had never mentioned Shepard even drinking a drop of alcohol, so she could definitely not be an alcoholic or she wouldn't be able to command the _Normandy_. Even though the Commander could just have been partying with Dr. Chakwas, that sad smile lingered in Traynor's mind. It had to be something more and Samantha was determined to find out what was troubling Shepard. She finally fell asleep wondering if Shepard could ever love her.

The Specialist came back to reality as she noticed the Commander eyeing her cautiously. An immediate feeling of discomfort crept up as Traynor swallowed twice and uttered a shy "Commander..." Shepard seemed to relax and flashed her an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry for my pathetic behaviour yesterday evening, Specialist Traynor. I just had a little too much to drink. I hope I haven't embarrassed you." She then shifted her stance and looked sternly at her comm specialist. "I do however _ask_ you to keep this quiet," she finished in the tone she used when issuing commands on the battlefield.

Traynor swallowed again as she looked into Shepard's commanding eyes. The apology was gone from them, replaced by a clear warning. The slight emphasis the Commander put on the word 'ask' immediately made it clear that it is actually an order. Samantha was hurt that Shepard felt the need to 'ask' her to keep quiet; she would never gossip about such a thing. They did however hardly know each other so Shepard had good reasons for her mistrust, but that is not how feelings work. "Of course, Commander...a-and it takes a lot more to embarrass me," Traynor tried to end her reply airily but her awkward delivery mostly made her sound cute.

The smile returned to the Commander's face as she resumed studying the dark skinned woman before her. "You know what, Specialist, I think we'll get along just fine. And trust me, I'm definitely going to find _something _to embarrass you with so be prepared to duck that pretty face of yours in shame." With a playful wink at Traynor the Commander turned around and walked away.

Traynor watched Shepard leave as she felt a familiar but pleasant knot forming in her stomach. _She thinks I'm pretty._


	3. It's All In The Eyes

**A/N: thanks for the reviews! I'm really getting into this story and I think I've got some nice stuff coming up, though I haven't sorted out the order yet. This chapter contains a minor ME3 storyline inconsistency since the Grissom Academy mission is only available after Sur'Kesh, but who cares, right? Thanks a bunch to elmjuniper for proofreading and editing. You're awesome, captain! ;-) Please keep letting me know what you guys think!**

* * *

[_Normandy _shuttle - Sur'Kesh orbit]

The Sur'Kesh mission was a success. Though the facility they had just left had been partly destroyed and quite a few salarians had lost their lives in Cerberus' assault, Shepard and her team had managed to evacuate the female krogan safely. They were now leaving the planet in the _Normandy_'s shuttle. Although the Kodiak Shuttle could carry up to 12 people in its cargo hold, space was cramped due to the presence of two large krogan. The female krogan had not wanted to talk to Wrex yet, so she had gone to sit in a corner with Mordin. He immediately started talking to her rapidly but softly. Shepard, Wrex, Liara and Garrus were occupying the other side of the shuttle. The conversation between these four old friends was hardly ever serious.

"Shepard! Since I'm making you an honorary krogan now, how about you finally grant that breeding request issued for you back on Tuchanka!" Wrex bellowed while clapping Shepard roughly on the shoulder. Even though the Commander was wearing her green-plated N7 armour, the impact of the krogan's claws instinctively made her want to rub her shoulder. She resisted so as to not look weak in front of the Urdnot clan leader. Instead, she grinned, pointed at the female krogan and told him she is not the one who should be worrying about breeding right now. Wrex's reply was another bellow as he looked around and settled his eyes on his next victim: Garrus.

"Vakarian. It is good to see your ugly face, though I cannot say that about every member of your species. You might want to talk some sense into that primarch of yours or else he'll never have to worry about breeding anymore either". Garrus' mandibles twitched in amusement.

"I see you haven't changed much since we hunted down Saren. Good. I'm looking forward to beating your kill count again, Yagh-face..." came his reply in his usual mocking tone. Wrex burst into loud laughter once more and was soon joined by Shepard. Liara smiled slightly, trying to keep a serious posture but failing at it as she became more and more comfortable being in the merry presence of the squadmates she had known for over two years now.

Wrex noticed her relaxation and decided to take advantage of it. "So, Liara, what is all that about asari commando units and flaying people alive with your mind? Should I make you an honorary krogan too?" Wrex flashed a wide grin at the asari before nodding in the direction of the Commander, obviously his source of information. Liara shot an angry look at the both of them and found herself on the receiving end of a smirk from Shepard.

"Well, technically she _is_ partly krog-" Shepard's sentence was cut off as she suddenly rubbed the back of her head in pain. She looked at Liara, who regarded her with a smug smile, blue sparks emanating from her body. Wrex' reaction was another loud bellow.

"HA! Shepard! I didn't think the little asari could hurt you after I've seen you headbutt Uvenk, but I guess she's got some quads!"

"I play along, it keeps her confidence up," Shepard stated with a playful wink at Liara, who suddenly smiled shyly and then proceeded to study the ground between her feet. The Commander did however keep rubbing the back of her head. "Besides, my head hurt for two days after headbutting that big idiot. Next time I'm headbutting a krogan I'll wear a helmet instead of only a visor."

Wrex grunted an appreciative 'mm' and Garrus shook his head in amusement.

"Shepard, you're a human, and an infiltrator at that, you were not made to headbutt krogan, helmet or no helmet," he chimed.

The Commander shot Garrus a sharp look, a mischievous grin gracing her beautiful features. "This _human infiltrator_ is still a better shot than _you_, Vakarian."

Garrus looked unfazed as he matched her grin. "I guess we'll have to stage a contest to settle this issue once and for all, Shepard. It will be my pleasure to end this little illusion of yours."

As Shepard opened her mouth to say something chastising, Liara raised her head and claimed their attention by addressing the scarred krogan instead. "Wrex, what happens now that we have rescued your female?" she asked, diverting her look to the opposite corner of the shuttle, where Mordin was still entertaining the visibly tired female krogan with a waterfall of words.

Wrexs' expression turned dead serious at the word 'genophage'. He looked at the female briefly then gazed at Shepard before settling his eyes on Liara's bright blues. "I hope that this _salarian_ can cure it. She is our only hope. I want to give my people a chance and I'll do whatever is necessary to ensure they get that chance." He delivered his reply in a low growl. Liara nodded as the shuttle entered the _Normandy_'s hangar.

* * *

[Citadel - Docks: Holding Area]

After the Sur'Kesh mission Shepard had gotten a message from Ashley asking her to come by Huerta Memorial. Something about becoming a Spectre. Jeff had piloted the _Normandy _back to the Citadel as quickly as possible and the Commander had given everyone a day shore leave. The crew had dispersed soon after. Liara had gone to see her father, Garrus wanted to pay some of his old friends at C-Sec a visit and most of the other crew had just gone to Purgatory to party the night away. Even Specialist Traynor had gone ashore. She had received a message that some turian in the holding area of the docks was selling cheap Cision Pro Mark 4s, the exact toothbrush she had left back on Earth. Probably black market, but nevertheless she wasn't willing to let such an opportunity slide and so she had put on her civvies and gone to look for the turian.

Traynor was walking around the holding area, quite visibly lost. She had never been to this part of the Citadel before. Looking around, she saw a young human girl talking to a turian C-Sec officer. The girl seemed to be flirting with him, eyes wide and inviting, speaking softly. _I don't know what people see in turians, their plates must be rock hard. I prefer something soft. Shepard probably is soft...gah. Need to focus, I'm already lost. Why can't I stop thinking about the Commander for just a few minutes? I wish she was here with me, I don't like the look those batarians are giving me. I just need to find the turian merchant, get my beloved toothbrush and then go back to the _Normandy.

The group of batarians Samantha was passing stared at her. Twenty-four eyes following her every move, making her feel _very_ uncomfortable. Two of them said something to a third, who then shrugged and took a few steps forward towards Traynor. She hesitated and slowed her step, giving the batarian exactly what he needed to pursue his malevolent thoughts. With an evil smirk he stepped right in front of her face.

"Hey you, _human_," he spat at the last word. "Why don't you come with us and entertain us, hmm?" He placed a hand on her shoulder, gripping hard. His four eyes were all staring her down and Samantha promptly became very scared. _Oh god they will kill me. All for a toothbrush...why am I such a fool? And I didn't tell anyone where I was going...oh god...I..._The other batarians took a step forward. Traynor stood frozen, gasping for breath.

Suddenly a second hand was placed on top of the batarian's. Apparently the owner of that hand had a strong grip, for the batarian cringed and let out a strained 'ow!' before letting go of Traynor's shoulder.

"Why don't you just leave her alone, hmm?" a familiar voice called out, an audible threat viciously weaved through its tone. _Shepard!_ "You wouldn't want to lose all four of your eyes, would you? And don't think I would stop at that, _batarian_." Shepard spat at that word in return. That there was no love lost between the Commander and batarians is common knowledge and the hatred resonating through her stern voice was profound. And even though the Commander was in civilian attire, she still emitted an air of unwavering command.

Samantha felt some relief joining the fear that was running its course through her body-she would be safe now. The batarians looked at each other, then back at Traynor and Shepard, one of them whispering Shepard's name to the others, and apparently decided getting the dark skinned human naked was not worth going through so much trouble for. They turned around and walked away.

The Specialist let out a relieved sigh and let her head fall, tears welling up in her eyes. Shepard placed one hand on each of Traynor's shoulders, turned her around and hugged Samantha to her chest. The Specialist released the fear she had been feeling and sobbed quietly against Shepard's breasts.

"Don't worry, you're safe now." Shepard's voice had lost all of the threatening sternness it carried before and was now calm and soothing.

"T-thank you, C-commander," Samantha let out between already slowing sobs, feeling sheltered by the warm body of the taller woman. Somehow, the closeness immediately felt familiar. "What were you doing here by yourself?" Shepard asked her Comm Specialist. Samantha raised her head and met Shepard's worried eyes. _She is so beautiful_. The Commander let go of Traynor's shoulders, crossing her arms in front of her chest and placing her weight on her right leg. To Traynor, it felt as if the sun had just gone down. A shiver sent down her spine made her cringe. She bowed her head again, ashamed.

"I, um...I w-was looking for um,... a-a toothbrush, Commander..." she stammered.

Shepard struggled to stifle her upcoming laughter and failed. "A toothbrush? Dr. Chakwas told me something about that. I didn't know you were so serious about it..." she chuckled. When Samantha just kept studying the floor, apparently too ashamed to say anything, Shepard placed a hand on her shoulder again. "I'll go with you and we'll find that toothbrush you so covet, Specialist."

Traynor looked up at that and smiled. "Thanks, Commander. I, um...I really appreciate it. You've saved my life and...n-now you'll save my gums too." Shepard laughed warmly, her eyes joining in the happiness. _Wow, she looks so radiant when she's happy. Does she know she's stunningly gorgeous? I wish I could just kiss her...I'd probably be better at it than at talking with her anyway..._

"There you go, that's my girl," Shepard replied, still sporting her alluring smile. _My girl...I could get used to that._

"So where were you headed? I presume you weren't going to buy a toothbrush from a batarian?" Shepard asked while letting go of Traynor, suddenly all business again. Samantha struggled to take her eyes off of Shepard and shook her head to help end the struggle.

"No, a turian merchant is supposed to sell them, but I can't find him anywhere. I was lost before..._before you came_...b-before all this happened."

Shepard had arched an eyebrow at the word 'turian'. When Samantha finished speaking, the Commander nodded. "I know just where to go, follow me." Shepard trailed off. Traynor looked at her in amazement and then gathered herself quickly, falling into step with the Commander a few seconds later.

They rounded a few corners until Shepard came to a halt in front of a group of turians. Some of them were fumbling with their datapads, others were cleaning their armor, but most of them were sitting on the floor with forlorn looks on their faces. Traynor noticed the sadness hanging in the air and couldn't help but feel some of it seeping into her. Shepard, however, didn't seem to notice anything as she approached a particularly small turian in black Hahne-Kedar armor.

"You selling toothbrushes?" she asked lightly.

The little turian jumped as he recognized the Commander, his mandibles parting in a big smile. "You are Commander Shepard! Slayer of the traitor! Hero of Palaven! Right here! In the flesh!" he jumped again in joy. Shepard was visibly confused, not knowing what to do with her unexpectedly jubilant fan.

"Well, I wouldn't say hero..." she rubbed her forehead awkwardly, "but yes, I am Commander Shepard. Pleasure to meet you." She extended her hand, which was quickly met with turian talons.

"No, no, the pleasure is all mine!" he exclaimed. "My name is Acto. Acto Delphus. I do sell toothbrushes! Which one do you need, Commander Shepard?"

Samantha just regarded the scene from the sidelines, as probably happens to everyone who finds themselves in Shepard's company in public. The Commander casts a significant shadow. _He's even got a worse case of hero-worship than I do! Though he seems able to speak perfectly fine, which cannot be said about myself...then again he's probably not as good a kisser as I am... _she mused, a slight grin giving an odd contrast to her otherwise frowning face. Shepard looked at Traynor, expecting her to speak up. When she didn't, Shepard tilted her head and answered the question herself, her eyes not leaving the Specialist's face.

"A Cision Pro Mark 4, if I remember correctly." Samantha snapped out of her reverie as she noticed those green eyes gazing at her and nodded a bit too violently. The amusement was clearly visible in the Commander's features.

Acto inclined his head and proceeded to rummage in a storage crate behind him. He found the toothbrush, still wrapped in its original package, and handed it to the Commander. "It's on the house, I am honored that the great Commander Shepard has come to visit me." When Shepard opened her mouth in protest, he waved it away. "You've saved my brother on Palaven. The least I can do is give you this toothbrush for free."

Shepard closed her mouth again and nodded. "I'm just doing my job. But thank you, Acto. It's good to hear that I'm actually making a difference in some people's lives." She spun on her heels and walked away, expecting Traynor to follow. Traynor flashed a quick smile in the turian's direction and ran after the Commander.

They walked back to the elevator in silence, each of them enveloped in their own thoughts. After punching the button to summon the elevator, Shepard half turned around to hand Traynor the toothbrush.

"Please stay safe next time, Specialist."

Samantha smiled. "I will try, Commander."

Shepard turned around to face Samantha fully, catching and holding her gaze, eyes stern but worried. "Promise me, Traynor."

Samantha's eyes widened in surprise. _She said Traynor. She said Traynor! _She swallowed and tried not to look away, failing to hide her widening smile. "I promise, Commander," she feigned to concede. Something soft entered the Commander's eyes as she kept them locked tightly on the Specialist's. Samantha tried to read them. _Is...is that admiration? Or worry? Or is she just being friendly? She said Traynor...! If she keeps looking at me like that I'll bloody turn into a gooey puddle on the floor. But I can't look away. She's so...captivating. _Shepard took a breathless step toward Traynor, their eyes still locked. Samantha's body forced her to swallow again.

[PING!] The elevator announced its arrival with a loud bleep. Shepard, snapping out of her trance, blinked confusedly and looked lost for just a split second, before sliding the comfortable mask of a battle-hardened warrior onto her face again. Samantha, too enthralled by Shepard's powerful gaze, hadn't noticed the brief display of vulnerability in the Commander's expression.

Shepard cocked her head at Traynor and grinned. "Try to guard your toothbrush better this time, Specialist." The moment was gone, but a warm fluttery feeling remained in Samantha's gut for the rest of the day. _I think I'm in love._


	4. Investigation

**A/N: thanks for all the reviews and follows! It keeps me very excited about this story! This chapter has Traynor collecting 'evidence' in her own fashion. Well, in my view of it, that is. Thanks again to elmjuniper and ShadowBlazer for proofreading. Please leave a review if you can and enjoy the read! The chapter after this one will be...confrontational... ;-)**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Shuttle Bay]

Specialist Traynor had gone back to the _Normandy _immediately after the incident with the batarians in the holding area of the docks. Shepard, however, had gone to Purgatory to party, but most of all to drink herself into a stupor. Traynor had pestered EDI about the ship's registry entries, wanting to know when the Commander had returned to the _Normandy_, and most importantly, whether she had been alone. She was confused about what had happened between her and Shepard the day before. The longer she thought about it, the more she worried that she had misinterpreted the whole situation.

As the Commander had not put any restrictions on EDI telling the comm specialist about the log entries of the _Normandy_, EDI had told Samantha that the Commander had returned in the middle of the night, accompanied by James Vega. However, Shepard _had_ put restrictions on EDI telling anyone about the comings and goings of the crew to and from Shepard's cabin, so EDI had not been allowed to tell Traynor whether Vega had also accompanied the Commander to her quarters.

_Damn that Vega-hulk. _Samantha was very suspicious. Shepard, a beautiful and captivating woman returning in the middle of the night, accompanied by a big and strong man. Come on, that was sex waiting to happen. Traynor couldn't help but feel sad, even though she didn't even know for sure whether something had happened between the two. _What if she doesn't feel the same way I do? What if she's not attracted to me, but to that giant of a James? I need to find out or I'll go mad..._

Asking EDI about the current whereabouts of the Commander, she heard that Shepard was down in the shuttle bay. _Funny, because that's where Vega always is..._ Knowing she couldn't get any work done without having sorted this out for herself, Samantha thought of an excuse to go see Shepard. She was immediately presented with one. The Sur'Kesh mission had provided her with intel on Cerberus activity on Tuchanka. She could use that as an excuse to talk to the Commander. And maybe find out what was going on between Shepard and James.

Exiting the elevator, she witnessed something she hadn't expected. Shepard and James were in the middle of the shuttle bay, circling each other. The Commander was wearing loose BDU pants, laced with a brown belt, and a green tank top that was showing the delicate curve of her breasts. She had tied her auburn hair back in a pony tail, which was playfully bouncing from side to side as the Commander moved. A coloured tattoo of a swallow graced her right shoulder blade, which was only visible when the Commander wasn't wearing her formal attire. Sweat was trickling down her face and arms, and her chest glistened. She looked smoking _hot_. James was bare-chested and wore his fatigues. His strong muscles were laid out for everyone to see and looked magnificent when flexed. He was covered in sweat much in the same fashion as the Commander, his torso reflecting the artificial rays of sunlight as they grazed it. The pair was eyeing each other, though there was no hint of romance in them. They were boxing, or as James would call it, dancing.

Samantha was taken aback by the beauty of Shepard's lithe body, swivelling back and forth as she was alternatively parrying and lashing out with her fists, her chest moving up and down with each strained breath. Traynor forgot all about Tuchanka and sat down on one of the storage crates beside Cortez. They watched the scene together; Traynor staring at Shepard, Steve at James.

"Is that all you can do, Lola?" James shouted as he ducked underneath one of Shepard's fists.

Shepard grinned and spun around, landing a foot on Vega's back in the process. "Watch what you're doing, James, we both know you can't do two things at the same time," she teased.

_What does she mean by that? Did they do _other _things together, like, trying to talk and have sex at the same time?_ Traynor thought immediately. Her lips straightened to form a grim line.

James laughed as he rolled to his right, extending his foot and nearly managing to trip the Commander. "I am perfectly able to dance with you and taunt you at the same time, Lola, I'm just getting started!"

Shepard gingerly jumped over his extended foot and backed away, giving James a chance to stand up. "Let's hope you're a better dancer than you are a fighter, Vega, or you will never get a girl!"

_Hmmm...well maybe nothing happened between them last night...or it did and she's just teasing him with it! Bollocks! How am I to figure this out?_ Traynor thought anxiously.

"Are you coming on to me, Lola?" came Vega's reply. _He is so flirting with her!_

Shepard missed a step and got rewarded with a punch on her left jaw. Rubbing her jaw with one hand, Shepard kept moving around. A grin appeared on her face and she lashed out with her fists. "Well, I _do_ like a strong man...!"

Apparently that took James by surprise, for he in turn forgot to block Shepard's fists and got knocked down by her punch. His nose started bleeding immediately.

_OH BLOODY HELL! How could I have been so naive? Of course the Commander likes James, he's a big, strong, tough, brave soldier and she is a marine herself after all. She wouldn't like a sissy like me. You're so stupid, Samantha. Stupid, silly girl. Get Shepard out of your head, this is _not_ going anywhere._

Traynor was so caught up in her depressing thoughts that she hadn't noticed Garrus creeping up between her and Cortez. She half jumped when she suddenly felt a mandible prodding her ear.

"That's weird, I do believe _Liara_ isn't really a strong man..." he announced. Samantha blinked in surprise. _Liara? What? _She opened her mouth to question Garrus about Shepard and Liara, but then noticed the Commander approaching them from the corner of her eye and made a mental note to talk to Garrus about it later instead.

After Shepard had knocked James down, she had given him some time to catch his breath and nurse his bleeding nose. Suddenly noticing Steve and Samantha staring at her, and then Garrus' head popping up between the two and startling them to no end, she smirked and decided to go check it out.

"Come to scare our non-combative crew, Vakarian?" she said with a grin. Shepard came to a halt right before Traynor.

The suddenly close proximity of the object of her affection sent a tingling feeling down Samantha's belly. She could smell Shepard's sweet sweat, hear her irregular breathing, see those well-defined clavicles and underneath them, the..._stop it!_ She smiled shyly as Garrus straightened his back and let out something that resembled a guffaw. Cortez shook his head laughing and went over to help James with his still bleeding nose. Shepard noticed Samantha's shy smile and looked at Garrus, and then at Traynor again. Shepard's eyes narrowed as the Commander tried to solve the puzzle before her. She decided to try the teasing option, since that usually worked in terms of providing her with the exact information she needed.

"How come you always have to hit on my better looking crew, hm, Garrus?" Shepard said with a small smile. Traynor's eyes showed complete and utter shock as she started to blush. Garrus, noticing Traynor's expression, turned towards the Commander. A twitch entertained his mandibles.

"I wouldn't want to ruin your chances, Shepard," he said with a wink at Samantha before turning around and sauntering back to the elevator. Traynor, still shell-shocked by this sudden turn of events, lowered her eyes. She was partly ashamed and partly just too shy to face the Commander right now. Shepard, in turn, let out a faint chuckle as she sat down on the storage crate, planting her right thigh against Samantha's left. The Specialist's face now had the colour of a tomato.

"Well, Traynor, I didn't think it would be _that _easy to embarrass you," Shepard remarked, causing Samantha to duck her head even further. Shepard went on, mercilessly, "truthfully, though, I believe I already succeeded back on the Citadel, but I didn't want to press my advantage when you had just been attacked by those batarians. That wouldn't have been classy. Now, however...hm...I must admit I'm quite disappointed my little mission has ended so soon."

_Oh no, you're not getting a rise out of me that easily! Time to fight back. _Samantha forced herself to look up and gaze into the Commander's bright green eyes. "I w-wasn't embarrassed, I was...flattered," she answered.

Shepard shrugged. "All the same to me, for all I know you were trying to practice blending into Omega's background just now," she said with a grin. "But I _do_ appreciate you giving me a reason to continue my quest, Specialist." Shepard's eyes never left Samantha's, a touch of playful admiration clearly shining through them. Samantha felt herself heat up, ready to throw herself into the Commander's arms and just beg for a kiss. _There is _something_! I'm not stupid after all!_

"Lola! I'm ready for another round!" came James' highly unwelcome call. The Commander glanced over at Vega absently and then settled her eyes on Traynor once more.

"Sure, if you want it so bad, I'll give it to you," she said while keeping her gaze on her Comm Specialist. Samantha was getting goosebumps all over her body now and questioned whether that remark was meant for Vega, or for her...

Shepard raised her hand and brought it close to Traynor's face, fingertips tenderly grazing her skin. Samantha's cheeks were on fire. _How can this woman kill so mercilessly on the battlefield and be so gentle off it?_ Shepard thoughtlessly gathered a loose strand of Samantha's hair and carefully tucked it behind Traynor's ear. She let her hand linger there for just a moment, then suddenly pulled it back and backed away from Samantha.

Shepard walked over to James, hitting him on the head with her hand in the process. "OW! What was that for?" he cried out and then looked at Samantha with a touch of jealousy in his eyes.

Samantha had watched Shepard go with a tinge of sadness and a rapidly increasing burning sensation in her loins, but she was on a mission now herself. Step one was to find Garrus and unleash the Spanish Inquisition on him. She needed to extract every bit of information regarding the Commander's past relationships from the scarred turian. _And if my hunch proves correct, I'm going to make her mine. But first, I need a cold shower._

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Main Battery Room]

"Garrus Vakarian?" Samantha asked to draw the turian's attention. She had just treated herself to a cold shower to cool down and gather her thoughts. She wanted to proceed with her mission immediately and so she had gone over to the main battery room to find Garrus. She had come to a halt in the doorway, not sure whether she was allowed to come in further.

The turian turned around at hearing his name. He gave Traynor a measuring look, somewhat in the same way as Shepard always did. The Specialist, however, was only intimidated by one of them and Garrus was not that one.

"I was just in the middle of some calibrations, but I can put them on hold for a little while if you want to talk about the Commander," Garrus stated simply, a hint of amusement shining through his voice. Traynor blinked. _Am I that obvious?_

Garrus took her reaction as an acknowledgement and motioned for Traynor to come in. She walked into the room, waited for the door to close and then positioned herself against the wall beside it. Not exactly knowing how to behave, she crossed her arms and just kept looking at Garrus. The turian strolled over to his weapons bench and leaned against it to make himself comfortable. He then simply gazed at Traynor, waiting for her to speak up. Samantha took a breath.

"I wanted to talk to you about what you said earlier in the shuttle bay. I..." she hesitated, "what did you mean when you said Liara doesn't seem like a strong man to you?" Garrus tilted his head at that and snickered.

"Well, she is asari, and in case you haven't seen one before, they generally don't look like men," the turian replied, evidently amused. Samantha shot him an angry look. _Fine. If you're not going to make this easy for me, I'm going to have to be more direct_.

"You know that's not what I meant, Gar-" she began.

"But it is what you asked," he chimed.

Traynor was getting frustrated. She wasn't even coming close to her Spanish Inquisition. In fact, her interrogation was quite pathetic. "Are Liara and the Commander in a relationship?" she asked bluntly.

Garrus gave her another measuring look. It only lasted a few seconds, but to Traynor they seemed like minutes. She was nervously tapping her right hand against her right upper leg. "No, they are not, but they have been. They broke up just before we destroyed the Collector base," he finally replied, relieving her from her twitchy nervousness.

Samantha took her time to process this information. _So, does that mean she is into women after all? Was she just teasing James? Or is being with an asari something completely different? _She decided she had to ask the turian more questions. Before she could open her mouth, however, Garrus gave voice to her thoughts.

"In case you're wondering, the Commander, and I believe this is how you humans would put it, 'swings both ways'. To put it more truthfully though, with asari being monogendered and all, Shepard probably swings more than two ways, heh," he stated, his mandibles twitching in amusement. "Never swung the turian way though," he added as an afterthought.

Samantha pondered his statement and failed to hide her ecstatic smile as the realisation set in. _I do have a shot! She's free and she could be into me! Time to step up the chase. Vega is _not_ stealing her away from me!_

She was driven back to reality as Garrus' sudden loud outburst of laughter rang in her ears. He was shaking his head vigorously. Samantha realised she had been smiling like a love-smitten fool and she wiped her grin off her face quickly. She straightened her posture and pointed an accusing finger at the hooting turian.

"_You _can laugh all you want, and I'm probably going to regret ever talking to you about this, but I really do _like_ the Commander." Her confession silenced Garrus. He looked at her again, his expression now serious.

"I figured. You know, the Commander evokes strong feelings in most hearts. She is not captured easily. I wish you good luck, but be careful," he advised. His voice betrayed his care for the Commander, though the turian was also very evidently trying to warn the Specialist about Shepard. Samantha considered his words, suddenly feeling insecure. She was scared to ask him why she should be so careful. Scared to find out her Commander had dark secrets. And so she inclined her head and didn't ask him about it.

"I will. Thank you, Garrus," she just said. He nodded worryingly, wondering whether he should explain, but Samantha had already left the room.


	5. Before Joy Comes Pain

**A/N: wow, this chapter was hard to write. But I promised a confrontation and so here it is! Poor Samantha is always thinking TOO MUCH! ;-) Special thanks to ShadowBlazer for reviewing this chapter!**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Captain's Cabin]

_Siobhan looks around, distraught. Screams drown out her own thoughts. She sees women and children running. Men fighting. She looks down. There's blood on her bare legs. Shards of clothing are barely covering her private areas. She wants to scream in horror, but she doesn't. She knows she has to stay silent. The men are being slaughtered, falling right in front of her eyes. The ground is soaked in blood. Gunfire. Knives ripping through flesh. Mindoir is afire. A small boy tries to crawl into the small space Siobhan is crouched in. Siobhan knows the batarians will see him and come for him. And then they'll find her. She doesn't want to die so she pushes him back, he falls. A batarian boot appears beside his head. A gunshot. Siobhan opens her mouth to scream._

With a jolt Shepard sat upright, shuddering, gasping for breath. In an attempt to calm herself, she massaged her temples. It was just a dream. A dream that she kept dreaming over and over again. It had been her first kill. Not literally, but she had never forgiven herself for it. The boy had been so small, barely two years old. Countless Alliance psychiatrists had told her it wasn't her fault, _she_ hadn't brought the batarians to Mindoir.

But pain is built to last.

Her grumbling stomach distracted her from her lugubrious thoughts. Shepard sat up, figuring it might be a good idea to go down to the mess hall to eat something. Hopefully that would take her mind off her dream and maybe, just maybe, peaceful sleep would come after.

As she got up from her bed, she grabbed her fatigues and put on a black N7 shirt. Her stomach rumbled again. Shepard hoped the third deck would be deserted in the middle of the night and, most of all, that she wouldn't run into Liara. The reasons for her break-up with the asari reminded her too much of the dream.

She was still rubbing her temples as she stepped into the elevator. As the door started to close she thought of Samantha Traynor and then wondered why she was thinking about her Comm Specialist.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Crew Quarters]

Samantha lay in bed trying to find sleep. Her aching mind was running rampant again. _How can I get closer to Shepard? What did Garrus mean when he told me I should be careful? What has Shepard done? Why did she break up with Liara? Or did Liara break up with her? Does she even want to be with someone? What if she wants Vega? I saw the way he looked at her when she touched my face. He likes her. What if I can't connect with her? What if she doesn't want me? Would she hurt me? Is that why Garrus was warning me? Did she hurt Liara? Or did she never love her? Could she be unable to love someone after what happened to her on Mindoir? Then why would she have been in a relationship in the first place? _

Samantha's head was really starting to ache now. This was not getting her anywhere. She wasn't getting any sleep and she didn't want to wake the other crew by constantly turning over in bed. But she couldn't help herself, her thoughts had made her fidgety. _Maybe I should just get up and drink some tea to calm myself down. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep then._

She got up and pulled some clothes from her locker. Simple, black pants and a white sleeveless shirt. Paying no attention to her hair she tiptoed out of the room.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Mess Hall]

As Traynor padded softly through the mess hall carrying a cup of tea, she heard the elevator beep. It had stopped on this deck. Because the _Normandy_ was operating with a skeleton crew at night, and they were entitled to breaks too, Samantha didn't think anything of it. She put her teacup on the table and sat down.

As she heard footsteps rounding the corner, Traynor looked up expectantly, hoping to see someone she could have a pleasant conversation with. Maybe that would help her keep her mind off Shepard. Her jaw dropped in surprise as the visitor rounding the corner turned out to be the person she was trying so hard _not _to think about.

When the red-haired Commander noticed the Specialist, she halted her step and blinked in surprise. She ran a hand through her hair in an attempt to tidy it somewhat. "Um, hi, Specialist," Shepard said while stifling a yawn. "Can't sleep either?"

Samantha closed her mouth and nodded. She suddenly became aware of her own appearance and shuffled through her hair with both hands. Then she started patting it vigorously. Shepard let out an amused smirk.

"Relax, Traynor. You're not on duty. Besides, I don't think you can look ugly anyway. Don't know how you do that," Shepard reassured her crew member as she walked over to the kitchen cabinets. She rummaged through them and then pulled out a big chocolate bar. Traynor just sat there gaping at her superior. _I can't look ugly? _You're_ the one that's making my mouth water at 3 AM! Why are you making this so difficult for me?_

"Ah, nothing better than chocolate when you can't sleep at night!" the Commander beamed. She walked over to Traynor and pointed at the seat opposite of Samantha. "May I?" she grinned.

Traynor nodded again, still trying to understand why, out of all the possibilities, it had to be _Shepard_ getting out of that elevator. The Commander looked at her with her piercing green eyes and then grimaced. "You don't look happy to see me, Specialist," she observed. "Is there something wrong?" Shepard bit a huge chunk off the chocolate bar and chewed on it.

Samantha buckled under the strength of the Commander's gaze and she let her head hang. _Maybe I should just tell her about my conversation with Garrus_. "N-no. It's just t-that, well, I...I-I just couldn't sleep, Commander." _Coward._

"I don't believe you, Traynor. And please, call me Shepard when we're off duty. I'm still human, you know." Samantha lifted her head at that and looked the Commander straight in the eyes. _What do you mean, call you Shepard? Is that you being merely informal or is that you trying to get closer to me? And why am I such a rambling fool?_

"Thanks, Comma-Shepard. I couldn't sleep because my mind was racing. Sometimes I think and think and think and then I can't sleep. At those times I wish I could just turn my mind off." Realizing how she had just spoken to the Commander, Samantha frowned in surprise. _No stuttering?_

Shepard nodded in understanding and bit off another piece of chocolate. She smiled a crooked smile while chewing. "I can relate, Traynor. I, too, wish I could just flip a switch and not think for a few hours. What has you worrying so much you can't sleep at night?" she asked.

_You._

"Oh, nothing in particular. Just bits and pieces. All kinds of things..." Samantha replied evasively. "Why couldn't you sleep, Com-Shepard?"

"I could for once, actually. Then I had a bad dream. I've been having them for a while now. I woke up hungry and so I came here. And no, I'd rather not talk about the dream. Since we're both here we might as well talk about something pleasant."

Samantha wanted to ask about the dream, anything to get her closer to Shepard, but she wanted to respect the other's wishes and so she just nodded and took a sip of her tea.

"Does tea help, Traynor?"

"Yes it does, actually. Here, try mine," Samantha replied, pushing the tea cup to the other side of the table. Then she grinned. "Please, call me Samantha. While we're off duty..."

The Commander let out a laugh. She took the tea cup from Samantha, briefly brushing over the Specialist's fingers and took a sip.

"Ugh! What is that you put in it? Milk?!" Shepard stuck out her tongue in disgust and then brushed a finger over it to emphasize the horror her tastebuds had just gone through.

"It's a habit I picked up while studying at Oxford," Samantha replied, smiling. "And you're over exaggerating, Shepard. It's not like I just gave you ryncol..."

The Commander laughed, put her chocolate bar on the table and leaned back, eyes locked firmly on Samantha's face. "You have a very pleasant personality, Samantha. Do you know that?" Shepard stated warmly. If the brief contact of Shepard's fingers had quickened Traynor's heartbeat, Shepard's soft voice now sent it racing. It was enough to embolden the Specialist. Her conversation with Garrus still clung firmly to her mind, but she knew she stood a chance with Shepard and she would take it. She kept smiling at the Commander.

"I do. I'm quite funny, too. And I'm a very good chess player," she answered lightly. "Maybe we should play a match one day? I'll teach you if you don't know how to play."

Shepard eyed her and grinned, not saying a word. A few seconds passed and Samantha became confused by Shepard's grinning silence. She frowned, evoking an even broader grin from the Commander.

"What is it?" Samantha eventually asked.

"I just noticed you can suddenly talk to me without stammering, Traynor!" A mischievous twinkle entertained Shepard's eyes. Samantha looked away and felt her cheeks redden. Shepard burst out in laughter.

"T-hat's not f-fair!" Traynor stammered. Shepard put her hands on her chest and cocked her head back, laughing loudly. This time, however, Samantha recovered quickly.

"That's very mean of you, Shepard," Traynor said chidingly.

A hiccup stopped Shepard's laughter. "Exploit your enemy's weakness," she grinned. "I know how to play chess, Samantha. I'll gladly take you up on that challenge. _If_ you still dare..." Shepard's giddy grin actually made her look very alluring. _I could look at you like that all day_.

"Oh, you're on! You might be my superior officer but don't think I will go easy on you. You'll be begging me to let you win after I've crushed you over and over and over," Samantha replied teasingly.

Shepard arched an eyebrow and looked at Traynor. For a split second Traynor could see confusion in the Commander's eyes. _Shit. Did I say something wrong?_

"Come sit next to me, Samantha," Shepard ordered, an unsteady quiver running through her voice. Traynor was starting to get worried, though she did as Shepard asked and went to sit down next to her. _Will I find out what Garrus was warning me about first hand now? _She cringed at the thought.

"I think you remember the incident with the batarians back at the Citadel." Shepard spoke softly. Samantha frowned in confusion, but nodded.

"When we found you that toothbrush and were waiting for the elevator, something got me...wondering," Shepard continued. She glanced at Traynor, who swallowed, not daring to speak.

"There is...something...about you, Samantha. I can't quite put my finger on it, but you confused me back there, as you did just now. I'm not easily confused." Shepard's delivery of that sentence sent Samantha's heart aflutter again. The whirlwind of emotions she had been feeling for the past minutes was exhausting. She opened her mouth to say something, but the Commander waved it away.

"No, let me finish, please. You confuse me. I don't know why. I even went to Purgatory that day to get incredibly drunk, which I accomplished by the way, but that didn't help much. By the end of the night I was so drunk I couldn't walk back on my own and had to rely on Vega to get me back to the _Normandy_. And I hate that, having to rely on someone else. Especially Vega. He's been trying to get in my pants ever since we met and trust me, I had a hard time making him understand he was not getting any." Shepard's sudden confession had Samantha flabbergasted. I _confuse _her_? What is this, a parallel universe? Am I a man now, too? Wait a minute...so...they didn't..._

Relieved that nothing had happened between the Commander and Vega, Samantha made an effort to look at Shepard again. She found the other woman staring at the table intently. Apparently Shepard had decided her confession was over, for it seemed as if the table she was studying was the only thing existing right now. Samantha just kept staring at the woman next to her, too stunned to say anything yet. There was an almost tangible awkwardness between the two women. _What should I say? I have to think of something quick! _She settled on a tease.

"I don't know why I confuse you, Shepard. I believe I'm quite shallow, really. Not much to get your panties in a twist over," she joked. Then, realising what she had just said, her face contorted into a grimace. _Oh my god. Did I just say panties?! Please, kill me now!_

Shepard's head jerked back in Samantha's direction, her expression suddenly mirthful. Slowly, a grin appeared on the Commander's face. Samantha prayed for something to strike her dead instantly.

"Don't kid yourself, Sam," Shepard began, "you're definitely not shallow. And you're not twisting my panties...for I am not wearing any." Shepard's impish grin made Samantha's heart stop. _Not. Wearing. Any. Panties! _She looked down at Shepard's lap involuntarily.

"So we've established you're pretty and definitely not shallow. We also know you're nice and funny. And a good chess player. Anything else I need to know about you once you get your eyes back up here?" Shepard teased while pointing at her own face.

"I'm also a very good kisser," Samantha blurted out to Shepard's lap. _OH MY GOD. HAVE I GONE COMPLETELY BLOODY MAD?_

Her reply caught Shepard by surprise, for the Commander blinked and stared at the Specialist for a brief moment. Instantly regaining her composure, Shepard licked her lips and regarded Traynor with a provocative smile.

"Oh you are, aren't you? Prove it. I take it you picked up more at Oxford than just those awful tea-drinking manners. You should know that with theoretical science comes empirical testing of hypotheses. So prove yours."

Samantha felt her heart beating in her chest. _I'm getting a heart attack_. She was suddenly hot, jolts of energy were running through her body. She swallowed slowly and made herself look at the Commander. Shepard's eyes pulled her in, inviting her closer. The Commander's breath had quickened and Samantha found herself staring at the enticing rhythmic movement of Shepard's breasts. She leaned forward, pushing herself closer to Shepard, her nose taking in the Commander's sweet, sleepy scent.

Their lips met.

At that instant, Samantha felt the weight of the world disappear. The universe dissolved. It was just her and Shepard. The Commander leaned forward, deepening the kiss. Traynor felt Shepard's tongue brushing her lower lip and gasped in response. Shivers went down her spine. Her body pulsed in excitement. She grabbed Shepard's head in both hands, pulling the other woman even closer.

Suddenly Shepard jerked back, eyes wide in shock.

"I-I can't do this," the Commander said, fear causing her voice to falter. She scrambled off her chair and practically ran away, tripping over her own feet in the process.

Traynor was left sitting at the table alone, dazed. She didn't understand what had just happened. _Did I just ruin everything? I should've never flirted with her. I should've never kissed her. _

Samantha let her head fall to the table and cried.


	6. The Weak And The Wounded

**A/N: Wow. This story has reached 40 alerts so before I ramble on, a thank you is in order. Thanks to all of you who have read, faved, alerted or reviewed this story. I'm not the only one making this happen - all of you are too. ShadowBlazer and Cheesesack deserve a special honorable mention. You give immensely helpful feedback. So thank you! Now on to business.**

**Sometimes you have to fall really deep before you can appreciate the highs, right? Featuring some stupidity from Shepard, an angry Sam, and a substantial role for our favourite turian...**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - CIC]

Days had passed since their kiss and the pain and confusion Shepard had inflicted on Samantha afterwards. The Commander had gone into hiding as much as possible. She had even sent Garrus sometimes to retrieve Samantha's intel and only talked to the Specialist when there was absolutely no way to get out of it. When she did talk to Traynor herself, the Commander was highly formal. They were back to 'Specialist Traynor' and 'Commander' again. Shepard's expression when they were actually talking for once was stone-cold. It upset Samantha. She even felt quite depressed during moments where work didn't provide enough distraction. She really wanted all this to be sorted out, anything to get back to some kind of normalcy in her interactions with the Commander, but she was too scared to talk to Shepard about what had happened. And so the Specialist buried herself in her work.

She was just gathering intel on a Cerberus base on Noveria when Garrus stalked up to her, as he now did quite often, and announced his presence by clearing his throat. Traynor turned around, disappointed that Shepard had sent the turian to talk to her yet again. "Hi, Garrus. I don't have a complete report on the new intel yet. If you give me a couple more hours I should be able to finish it," she said in a resigned voice.

The turian looked at her for a moment and then placed a three-taloned hand on her shoulder. "I'm not here for a report, Traynor. The Commander didn't send me this time. I came here to talk to you."

Traynor was momentarily taken aback. Garrus had been formal with her ever since her incident with Shepard. She had figured he'd thought her to be foolish for going after the Commander after his warning the other day. Shepard obviously had told him _something,_ otherwise he probably wouldn't have agreed to run errands for the Commander. And because she wasn't particularly interested in a reprimand from the turian, she had treated him in equally formal fashion. So why did he want to talk to her all of a sudden?

Noticing Samantha wasn't going to reply, Garrus fired his question at her. "I don't feel comfortable asking you this, but I have to for the crew's sake." Samantha grimaced, but Garrus continued. "Are you responsible for the Commander's edgy behaviour? She's been acting odd for the past few days. No, let me correct that statement. She's been a complete ass to her crew. She's been bitching to everyone and when she's not bitching she's giving everyone the cold shoulder. She barely agreed to cure the genophage on Tuchanka, even though she had been a staunch supporter of the cure since the very first time she'd heard about it. And she's been sending me to run little errands for her whenever they involved you. So I calibrated; did the math, and here I am." His melodious tone somehow seemed low and devoid of feelings.

_He's asking me if _I _am responsible for her behaviour? What an ass! And so she didn't tell him anything. Go figure._

Samantha shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it, Garrus. For what it's worth, she's been an ass to me as well. You really should talk to her and _not_ me."

Garrus gave her a measured look, his mandibles twitching in irritation. Then he nodded and strolled away without saying another word. Traynor sank back into her depressed state of mind, longing for an opportunity to escape her misery.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Med Bay]

Samantha stormed into the med bay. She had been waiting for seven days to finally get granted access by Dr. Chakwas. Exactly one week ago, Shepard had taken James and Garrus on a mission to disable Cerberus' defenses on a base located on Noveria. They had succeeded, but the team had returned broken and battered. Vega had had to carry a heavily wounded Shepard back to the _Normandy_ and straight into the med bay. The door had been locked for everyone except Dr. Chakwas, her medical personnel, and Liara, ever since.

Traynor had been worried sick. At first, the only information she had received from Garrus was that Shepard had been wounded badly during the mission. Nobody wanted to tell her anything else, thinking she didn't need to know. After all, she was only the Comm Specialist, nothing more. Samantha had been feeling desperate for days on end. She knew she couldn't just go talk to Liara (why was the asari allowed to see Shepard anyway?), not without letting out what had happened between her and the Commander two weeks ago, and she didn't think Shepard would take kindly to Samantha having shared such information. She had hoped that Garrus would eventually come talk to her, but he had not. Knowing that the turian knew more than he let out, and knowing that he also knew of Samantha's feelings for the Commander, the Specialist had been very angry with him for not telling her anything. He had continued to treat her formally and Samantha felt he even tried to avoid her altogether. Today, she had finally been presented an opportunity to corner him in the main battery room and had demanded information on Shepard's status.

Garrus had been reluctant to tell her anything at first, but when he saw what the situation was doing to Samantha, when she had finally given in to her despair and had shouted at him as if he were the bearer of all things evil, he had been shocked enough to tell her everything.

_The mission started well. As well as it could, anyway, seeing how Shepard has been behaving lately. She was constantly bickering with me and Vega, telling us we were doing everything wrong. I have known her for a long time, Traynor. This was not her. Well. Sometime during the mission, we found a young woman. She was barely alive and bleeding from multiple gunshot wounds inflicted by Cerberus soldiers. Disruptor ammo. Highly effective. _

Samantha had frowned at that and asked Garrus to focus on the subject at hand. The turian had shrugged defensively before apologizing.

_Um, sorry. Anyway, Shepard spoke with her, tried to save her. The woman had your accent. The minute she died, I could see something snap in Shepard. Her eyes went cold and she instantly became reckless. _

Hearing about the connection between the woman's accent, resembling her own, and Shepard's response to it had elicited an involuntary gasp from the Specialist. It almost felt as if she herself was at fault for Shepard's injuries.

_She stopped giving James and me any commands and just ran straight into enemies killing them left and right. She's good, spirits, she's really good, but she's not invincible. When we stumbled upon a group of Cerberus soldiers guarding two Atlases, Shepard's recklessness became her downfall. Instead of discussing tactics with us, like she normally does, she barely ran from cover to cover, almost straight at them. We called out to her, screamed that she would get herself killed. I told her she should at least use her tactical cloak. But she didn't listen. She took down half the squad single-handedly before they got her. She was firing her Carnifex-_

A simple 'really, Garrus?' had called the turian back to order.

_Sorry, I keep giving you the military details, force of habit. She was firing blindly at the remaining Cerberus group, but they had had enough time to mount their Atlases and target her. Vega yelled that she had to find cover immediately, but she kept charging like a blood-raged krogan. Instantly, rockets were flying straight towards Shepard and her shields simply couldn't sustain the damage. She went down in seconds and we had to fight our way through those soldiers and heavy mechs to get to her. We couldn't signal for the shuttle sooner or it would've been blown out of the sky by the mechs. _

Garrus had taken a pause to release a deep sigh. His mandibles had twisted into a pained expression. This wasn't easy for him. Failure to protect your commanding officer was very near to a sin in the turian military. But Samantha had to know what had happened. She had flicked her hand to motion him to keep speaking.

_It took us a long time. We succeeded, though you saw the extent of our injuries when we came in. When we found Shepard she was unconscious, and her heart was barely beating. She was bleeding profusely and one of her legs was twisted and bent into an almost impossible position. Then in the shuttle Vega even had to give her, what is it you call it, CPR? Anyway, he had to do something so that her heart wouldn't stop._

The turian had recounted the events in a resigned tone. Samantha had been horrified by what she'd heard. How could the Commander have been so irresponsible? That wasn't all, however. Garrus still had more to tell her.

_When James had carried Shepard into the med bay, Dr. Chakwas started working on her immediately. She said Shepard had sustained wounds that could prove mortal. She asked us to leave to give her and her medical team the space they needed. I was very reluctant, but did as she asked. Before we left, though, Shepard opened one eye and whispered your name. Samantha. Then she passed out again._

Garrus let his scaled head hang after confessing to Traynor the last part of what had happened. Samantha couldn't believe all that she had just heard. _She called out my name? And they didn't tell me anything? They didn't let me see her?!_

She had stared at the turian in mounting frustration. He had been shaking his head defensively. And then he had said it. "Whatever it is that is going on between you two, it has to stop. It is literally killing Shepard."

Samantha was enraged. She was being blamed, again! Knowing it wasn't the turian's fault, she had had just enough sense to thank Garrus for his information and had then stormed off to the med bay, demanding entrance. Dr. Chakwas, noticing the urgency in Samantha's voice, had not even tried to deny her access this time.

When she charged into the room, the sight of Shepard immediately stopped her dead in her tracks. Her strong and beautiful Commander now looked pale and weak. She was hooked up to multiple machines and monitoring devices. Countless tubes were coming out of her body. A blanket was draped over her to keep her body temperature from dropping dangerously low. It covered the area where the tubes entered her body, and also the caste that held her broken left leg in place.

The sight of Shepard reduced to such a weak state made Traynor falter and she lost her balance. Two strong hands were suddenly placed on her waist and back, holding her up. Dr. Chakwas had walked over to Traynor to give her Shepard's medical report and had reacted quickly when she had noticed the Specialist's knees buckling out from under her.

"Would you like a status report, Samantha?" the doctor asked softly, still not letting go of Traynor. Karin prided herself on being perceptive and Samantha's reaction to seeing the Commander had given her quite a good idea of what was going on between the two women.

Traynor turned her head to look at Chakwas and nodded. "I would. Thank you, doctor."

Chakwas inclined her head and let go of Traynor, taking her datapad from the pocket of her uniform. "When she was brought in she was barely alive, having fractured four ribs, punctured one lung, ripped her spleen and broken her left leg in three places. Aside from the internal bleeding caused by the spleen, she bled from various bullet wounds coupled with a severe laceration on the right side of her face. Of lesser worry were the countless bruises she had sustained all over her body. After repairing her spleen and lung I set to work on her fractured bones and the cut on her face. Because of the necessary delay in treating her face, she will probably have quite a scar after that has healed. On the upside, she's currently recovering quite well. Her leg is still being held together by a caste but other than that she's quite alright. The healing process is very tiring though, and she sleeps a lot, as you can see. With the technology we've got here, my estimate is that she'll be back on the battlefield two weeks from now at the latest." Dr. Chakwas' delivery of the report was professional, though the occasional worried glances in the direction of her patient showed Samantha that the doctor cared about the Commander a lot.

Samantha couldn't help but tremble while she was processing the information she had just received. She couldn't begin to imagine the state she'd be in if she were as wounded as Shepard was. She'd probably be dead.

"...So she has woken already?" she asked. Dr. Chakwas nodded.

"Thank you, Karin. For letting me see her and for giving me this information. I've been worried out of my mind. I might finally be able to get some sleep now," Samantha said, feeling grateful but still very bitter that no-one had bothered to tell her all this sooner.

She wanted to turn around and walk away, but Shepard suddenly opened her eyes and lifted her head. "Specialist," she mumbled.

Samantha gave a start and then walked over to the Commander's bed. "Commander," she said formally.

A look of hurt flashed through Shepard's eyes, but only briefly. She narrowed her eyes and sighed. "Why are you here, Specialist?" Shepard asked apprehensively.

_Because you nearly got yourself killed, you big oaf! You nearly died on me! How could you be so reckless? I should kill you right now for your stupidity!_

Samantha's blood boiled, but she didn't let it show. It would be inappropriate to address her commanding officer as fiercely as she wanted to in front of Dr. Chakwas. She wasn't going to let herself be shooed away however. When she finally spoke, her tone still betrayed some of her anger. "Commander. I've just heard what happened back on Noveria and I just wanted to tell you this. I would rather have you never talk to me again than have you behave so irresponsibly and die because of it. So please, do at least that for me. Don't die." _And stop everyone from blaming me for whatever is going on inside your head._

With that, Traynor turned around and marched out of the med bay, leaving a confused Dr. Chakwas staring after her. Not even having been granted the opportunity to respond, the Commander just sighed and let her head hang. Her defeated expression made her look even weaker than before.


	7. Liara's Advice

**A/N: Liara deserves some screen time too, doesn't she? Here it is. Enjoy! The next chapter will feature some fluff. By the way, I love reading reviews. Just saying.**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Crew Deck]

Shepard's injury had delayed the _Normandy's_ course for the Citadel, where the Commander was expected by the salarian Council member. Three days had passed since Specialist Traynor had stormed into the med bay and Shepard was now up and about, albeit with a cane to support her still healing leg. The scar on her face was raw and nasty, but Dr. Chakwas had assured her that once the tissue had fully healed, a simple procedure would minimize the resulting blemish.

Shepard hadn't spoken to Traynor since the reprimand she'd received from her Comm Specialist while still hooked up to medical machinery. She had tried to avoid Samantha as best she could. The Specialist confused her and the Commander didn't like feeling confused. On top of that, Shepard knew she had been behaving like a complete and utter fool since that kiss. That wonderful, excruciatingly delicious kiss. She had been blaming Traynor for the emotional roller coaster that night had sent Shepard on. Then she suffered the consequences. Shepard knew that her injuries were in no way the Specialist's fault, but entirely her own. And that was what made it so damn difficult to face Traynor. That, and the simple fact that she was just _scared_.

Samantha was not the only person she had been hiding from, however. Liara was on the 'to avoid' list as well. Ever since Shepard sustained her severe injuries on Noveria, the asari had tried to talk to her ex-girlfriend. Shepard simply did not want to, however, because she knew Liara would find a way to get under her skin. So she had spent most of her time either up in her cabin or down in the shuttle bay, chatting with Vega and Cortez. The members of the crew that had no business down in the shuttle bay tended not to go there much, so being there with the two men was sort of an extension of her solitude. At least they didn't ask her difficult questions.

Unfortunately, an urgent message from Liara had obliged the Commander to go see the asari in her office on the crew deck. Unhappy with the fact that she'd probably be questioned about her mental health, Shepard was taking her sweet time getting to the Shadow Broker's new office. She had gone to see Jeff and EDI on the bridge first, ignoring Traynor while she hobbled past the dark-skinned woman. She had actually enjoyed the banter on the bridge. Then, she had taken the slow elevator down to James' hangout and boasted to him about her being able to defeat him in battle real soon again. She had also wandered around the engineering deck, bothering Javik with questions about the Protheans and their demise; something she really wasn't interested in, and he knew it and even voiced it. She had even answered a question or two for Diana Allers' news report. The simple fact that she had gone to see Diana _on her own initiative_ was a testament to Shepard's reluctance to speak to Liara. She had then taken the elevator to the third deck, stood still in front of Liara's office for a couple of minutes and then walked over to see Garrus first. The turian had a way of making her feel better. He didn't hold her irresponsible actions against her and he even made a joke about how she always seemed to follow his leadership and that maybe she should make _him_ commander. After all, he was the first one to try and stop incoming rockets with his face. They had shared a laugh and Shepard had almost forgotten that she was supposed to go talk to Liara. It was only because the asari had sent her another impatient message that Shepard was now involuntarily on her way to the Shadow Broker's office. She stepped into the room with an almost ugly grimace on her face.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Crew Deck]

Samantha Traynor was on her way to see Liara. While she had been briefly satisfied with the way she had spoken to Shepard in the med bay-she had said what she needed to say after all-sadness and regret had seeped into her mood quite quickly afterwards. The sight of the Commander in her fragile state was printed firmly into the Specialist's mind and preoccupied her thoughts. Her sleep was still troubled. She had truly been shocked when she saw Shepard lying there, helpless. She had started to wonder whether her words had been too harsh, if it had been unfair of her to talk to the Commander in such a way when she had been so weak. Pangs of guilt had been stabbing at her insides ever since. It also didn't help that Shepard hadn't spoken a single word to her since she got out of the med bay. Samantha wondered whether Shepard had taken her words seriously; would the Commander really never speak to her again? The thought filled Traynor with a profound sadness. She hadn't meant her words literally. Of course she wanted have some sort of relationship with the Commander. She was still madly in love with the damn woman!

This time she wouldn't be so rash though. That is why she wanted to talk to the asari first. If anyone could give advice on how to proceed it would be Liara. She just hoped Liara was _willing_ to give her any advice. Traynor would have to confess everything to the asari first, she knew that, but it was a price she was reluctantly willing to pay. She hoped that Shepard wouldn't be very upset about it.

Just as she was just rounding the corner from the elevator to Liara's office, the asari's door suddenly slid open and out came Shepard with Liara on her heels. Traynor instinctively took a step back and hid behind the bulkhead.

"No, I don't want to talk about it, Liara. I know it upsets you and I'm sorry, but I just can't. Believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you..." Shepard argued. Traynor peeked around the corner.

Liara's face was twisted with hurt. The asari placed a slender blue hand on the Commander's right shoulder, preventing Shepard from walking further away. "Shepard, I am not asking you to love me anymore. It has been hard but I have moved on. I am only offering my help to you. You need someone close to you. And even if that person is not me, please try to open up to someone else. For your own sake. Need I remind you that you nearly died out there?" Liara's voice was soft, pleading. Her sky blue eyes were boring into Shepard's back.

The Commander turned around and sighed. "I am trying, Liara. I already hurt someone in the process."

_Yes. Me._

Shepard held Liara's eyes for a moment, then turned around and started walking towards the elevator. Panicking, Samantha did the first thing she thought of: she ran towards the bathrooms and hid there.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Women's Bathrooms]

Having gotten into the women's bathrooms safely without Shepard seeing her, Samantha came to a halt in front of a mirror. She didn't see the woman staring back at her, however. She was too lost in her own thoughts. The conversation she had just accidentally overheard had set her thinking. Had Liara meant that Shepard closed herself off to everyone, including the asari? Judging by Shepard's reply it certainly seemed so. Maybe the Commander had never opened herself fully to her ex. Maybe that was her problem. _Is she emotionally blocked after all? _

Samantha gave a start when the door to the bathroom opened to reveal Liara's delicate silhouette. The asari gave the human a measuring look. _Oh no. She saw me back there._

"Hello, Specialist Traynor." Liara said calmly.

"Hi, Dr. T'Soni." Samantha managed to utter. She tried to sound innocent but failed horribly. Instead, she almost sounded guilty of murder. The asari smiled and took a step toward Samantha.

"I saw you, right before you disappeared around the corner. I didn't hear any doors so I figured you stayed and heard the conversation between me and the Commander." Liara's words didn't hold an accusation in them, if anything they were soft. Samantha's cheeks reddened in shame while at the same time her eyes flashed in horror. _Shit! Did the Commander see me as well?_

"Don't worry, I don't believe the Commander saw you. When it comes to these things she's not as perceptive as I am. As an information broker I have to be aware of my surroundings, there have been many people who tried to listen in to my conversations in an attempt to steal information." It was as if the asari had read Traynor's mind. Somehow her words reassured the Specialist, who nodded.

"I am sorry, Dr. T'Soni, it wasn't my intention to overhear your conversation. I was actually on my way to see you when your office door opened. I panicked and the only thing I could think of was to hide behind the corner so that I wouldn't draw attention to myself. And then when the Commander started walking towards the elevator I hid in here..."

"It's okay, Specialist. I actually wanted to talk to you as well." Liara replied calmly.

_You did? Why?_

"Did anything happen between you and the Commander?" Liara's eyes pierced Samantha.

"Wh-why do you ask?" Traynor stammered.

"Just answer the question, Specialist."

"W-well...a-as a matter of fact, i-it did. We, um, w-we...we kissed." Liara's eyes went wide as saucers. Clearly she hadn't expected _that_. She recovered quickly, her expression soon as calm and serene as usual.

"I see. I have been observing the Commander ever since she started mistreating her crew. Such a thing is completely out of character for her. I noticed there was just one person she blatantly refused to talk to, and that person was you." Still no accusation.

And so Traynor confessed. She told the asari everything; about the first time she saw Shepard and what she had felt at that moment, about the incident with the batarians and the moment they had shared at the elevator, about how Shepard had told her she had gone to Purgatory to get drunk because she was confused by Samantha, and lastly about that night when they had kissed. And how the Commander suddenly broke off the kiss as if she had been burnt. The asari listened to Traynor intently, her expression not changing much, though the occasional frown or narrowing of the eyes betrayed that the revelation did in fact have an impact on Liara. When Traynor finished speaking, the asari stared at her for a full minute.

"I actually came to talk to you about exactly this, Dr. T'Soni. I wanted to ask for your advice. I hope I'm not offending you in any way." Samantha really hoped that the asari would speak soon and that she wouldn't be angry. The last thing she wanted was _another_ person on the _Normandy_ treating her as if she were air.

"I must say I am a bit taken aback by all this, Specialist. However, what I said to the Commander just now is true. She needs someone close to her or I'm afraid she might buckle under all the stress. I suspected she had been suffering from nightmares again and your story just confirmed my suspicions. If it hadn't been your kiss, it would've been something else that would have eventually evoked her reckless and irrational behaviour of late." Liara sighed. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Apparently her feelings for you are strong, otherwise she wouldn't behave in the way she does right now. I know her well enough to be sure. I cannot explain everything to you, however. It is not my place. What I _can _say is that the reason our relationship fell apart might be closely related to why the Commander reacted to your kiss in the way she did. It has to do with her past, with Mindoir. I will not say any more, you will have to talk to the Commander about it if you really want to know. And since you asked for my advice, here it is. Regardless of whether you want to pursue a relationship with the Commander, I really do think you should talk to her. She needs it now more than ever. I have tried, but you've heard the result. Maybe you'll be able to get through to her. I know she's hurt you as well and it might be selfish on my part to ask you this, but I will anyway. I ask you to at least _try_."

This was all very hard for Liara to say. The tears that had welled up in her eyes when she started to speak were rolling down her cheeks by the time she finished. The asari kept looking at Samantha and the sight just broke the Specialist's heart. She took a step forward and hugged Liara, trying to alleviate the asari's sadness somewhat. _It must be so very painful to have to admit that whatever you do, you cannot reach the person you love._ Liara accepted the hug and rested her head on Samantha's shoulder.

"I will try, Dr. T'Soni. I promise. And I _will_ succeed. Not only because I care for the Commander, but also because I am very stubborn." Samantha hoped her last remark would cheer the asari up a bit and it worked. Liara stepped away from Traynor and smiled.

"That makes two of you. I wish you good luck, Specialist. Be careful." Liara inclined her head and then left, leaving Samantha alone in the bathroom. Traynor turned to face the mirror and looked at herself this time.

_That's the second time someone has said to be careful when giving advice on how to approach Shepard. Okay, Sam. You will have to find a way to talk to her. You _cannot_ screw this up. _

She blinked when she realized that she was completely and utterly terrified.

_Why is nothing ever easy?_


	8. Finding Common Horizon

**A/N: Your waiting has paid off. You'll see what I mean. Thanks to both ShadowBlazer and Cheesesack for proofreading. You are the best! Enjoy, and if you do, please leave a review :)**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Captain's Cabin]

_It's dark and wet where Siobhan is hiding. She is shivering from the cold. She knows she should get out of here and find something to eat soon. She hasn't eaten in days and only drank the foul and bloodied water trickling beneath her feet. Her stomach is churning, she almost passes out from the hunger. She takes a deep breath in order to stay conscious and immediately regrets it as the stench of stale and decomposing flesh fills her nostrils, almost causing her to puke out her stomach fluid. Siobhan doesn't want to puke anymore. The thought of the acid taste of it passing through her mouth again makes her cringe. She crawls out of her hiding spot in search for something to eat. She proceeds slowly, her weak and red-crusted legs flashing in stubborn pain. Suddenly she stops. Before her lies the broken and battered face of her mother. Her dead mother. Siobhan opens her mouth to scream._

Shepard woke with a start. She shivered, much like in the dream, but not from the cold this time. The fear was making her blood pump. She ran a hand over her face and it came down wet. She was crying. For her mother and father. For her grandmother and grandfather. For all her friends. And crying for all the other people she had left behind on Mindoir.

Or maybe they had all left _her _behind on Mindoir. They had died and she had been left behind. Alone. Scared. Bruised. Hungry. _Defeated_.

Shepard stood up, grabbed the cane resting beside her bed and walked over to her bathroom. She actually didn't need her cane anymore, but Dr. Chakwas had been very strict with her, warning her that if she didn't do as the motherly doctor said, she wouldn't be cleared for active duty for a long time to come. And Shepard wanted nothing more than to be back on the battlefield again. The battlefield is where she could forget, if only for a brief moment.

She splashed water on her face and stood there for a while, staring at the face that was staring back from the mirror. She only saw the woman that had survived Mindoir. But somewhere inside that woman was the girl she had been before the raid. The happy, expressive girl who liked to wander through her family's crops and climb in trees. The girl who always teased other children but protected them when necessary. The girl who had always wanted to become a farmer herself, just like her parents. But that girl had gone into hiding when the batarians attacked and she hadn't come back. Shepard sighed. Part of her had died on Mindoir, along with all the others. She was now driven by the need to do some good in the galaxy, to make a difference. She _had_ to make a difference in order to even _exist_. The only thing remaining of that girl she once was, was her tendency to tease people. And so she teased everyone she held dearly. It was her way of letting them know she cared about them. Liara had seen through that façade and Shepard had subsequently pushed the asari away from her. And now she was doing the same to Samantha Traynor. How poor was the reward she was giving them for their genuine affection.

With another sigh Shepard went back to her bed and grabbed her datapad. She wouldn't be able to sleep anymore anyway so she might as well get some work done. She could at least try to do some research on the salarian Council member's strange request before the _Normandy_ docked at the Citadel.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - CIC]

Samantha had been trying to find a way to talk to the Commander ever since her conversation with Liara. Shepard had however been largely unresponsive. They did share some brief words from time to time again, to Traynor's relief, but that was about it. Every time the Specialist had tried to go past the 'how is your leg feeling' part, the Commander had walked away. Samantha understood that Shepard was bored and irritated by the fact she still wasn't cleared for active duty, but she thought that would be all the more reason to welcome some distraction. Suddenly, an idea sprang to her mind.

_That's it! Distraction! _

Traynor punched a few buttons to request an active link to Shepard's omnitool. The wait was longer than usual, but finally she heard the familiar beep signaling the Commander's acceptance of the link. Samantha sighed in relief. _Now, don't you stutter this time, Sam._

"What is it, Specialist?" Shepard's brusque voice asked.

"Commander, I have a request," Samantha replied.

Nothing.

"Well, get on with it," Shepard stated, clearly annoyed.

"Um, oh. Well, I just remembered something. You still owe me a chess match and I thought you might appreciate a distraction. You know, from the long and boring wait to be cleared for galaxy-saving activities."

"I don't know, Specialist. There's always paperwork I can do and-"

"We can pretend nothing ever happened, Commander. I'm offering just as...as a friend. To get your mind off things," Samantha interrupted.

Shepard hesitated for a moment. Traynor could almost hear the 'no' hanging in the air. That invisible elephant their kiss had summoned was still stomping heavily on Shepard's mind. On her own as well, admittedly.

"Okay, Specialist. Come up to my cabin when you're ready," Shepard finally said before abruptly breaking the link.

Samantha smiled. _First part of the mission accomplished_.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Captain's Cabin]

Shepard unlocked her door and waited for Samantha to enter. She didn't exactly know why, but the fact that the Specialist was coming up had caused the Commander to go and brush her teeth quickly and comb her hair. She let it hang loose this time. More often than not her hair was tied up in a tail or a bun because that simply made her job easier. This time, she was off duty and she wanted to look nice for Traynor.

The familiar sound of the door swooshing open, and then sliding shut with a soft click, made Shepard look up from her couch. Samantha strode into the room, carrying an old-fashioned chess board. It had been a gift from EDI and she was very proud to be the owner of a vintage board. The GUI interfaces one could buy at the Citadel worked incredibly well, but the experience just wasn't the same.

Shepard smiled at her. The sight of the Commander briefly took Samantha's breath away. She had never seen Shepard's hair freshly combed and hanging loose and she admired the sight of it. A closer look at the Commander's face showed something else entirely, however. Shepard's eyes were gaunt and dark. She looked extremely sleep ridden. Traynor let out a gasp before she could help herself.

"Have you been sleeping at all, Commander?" she asked.

Shepard looked at her with a changed expression. She looked so tired. "Not really. Sleep hasn't been kind to me lately. But enough of that. Let's play the game I still owe you." Her eyes betrayed her state of exhaustion as she grinned.

Samantha nodded and walked over to the couch, placing the chess board on the table. Shepard chose the colour black, saying it fit her mood well. They played two games, which Samantha both won. Sometimes she could notice irritation flashing through the Commander's eyes; apparently the redhead was not used to losing. Traynor had to admit that Shepard was quite the opponent. She probably would play even better had she not been so dog-tired. Samantha decided to go a bit easier on Shepard in the third game to give the other woman a chance. Not _too_ easy, or it would be noticeable, but she could make some stupid mistakes here and there.

"Check, mate!" Shepard said with a huge grin thirty minutes later.

_Mate? _Traynor was disappointed. Yes, she _had_ offered to play chess as a friend, but secretly she had hoped for something more.

"Isn't that what you say in London?" Shepard asked.

Samantha smiled. "No, that's what the Australians used to say, I believe. But the languages on Earth are all mixed up now, to be honest. I _have _heard people say it at Oxford."

Shepard stared at her Comm Specialist thoughtfully. "Did you like studying at Oxford?"

Traynor was surprised by the sudden serious turn of the conversation, but answered all the same. "I did. I wasn't much of a party girl, though. Mostly I just studied hard. My parents weren't rich, you see, and I got into university because of my high aptitude scores. So I had to do well, otherwise I would lose my scholarship."

Shepard nodded. "So where are you from, originally? I just remembered I never asked you that."

It was Samantha's turn to be thoughtful. She was silent for a brief moment, contemplating whether she should tell the Commander that she had been saved by her. "I was born and raised on Horizon, Commander." She hesitated. "I was actually visiting my parents there when the Collectors showed up. You...you saved me and my family."

She saw something change in Shepard's eyes. Samantha could only identify the change as..._sorrow_?

"I didn't know that, Samantha. Do you know I grew up on Mindoir?" Traynor nodded. "Well, the colony was attacked by batarian slavers when I was sixteen. Unfortunately for me, they killed everyone around me. Everyone but me. When their ships landed, my mother told me to run and hide somewhere and not come out until it was safe. And so I did. Sometimes I still wonder whether it wouldn't have been better if I had just died back then." Shepard's voice grew weaker as she was speaking. The last sentence was a mere whisper.

Samantha could feel the grief emanating from the Commander. She wanted nothing more but to grab the other woman in her arms and hold her tight. Say that everything would be okay. But she couldn't, not after what had happened between them. It pained her but she had to be careful. It was the best way to help Shepard.

"I'm sorry you didn't have a Shepard to save you, Commander. But you lived and you saved countless other people from possibly the same fate. You saved my family...and you saved me."

Shepard lifted her head and looked straight at Samantha. Her eyes were soft now, almost caring. She smiled sadly. "I'm glad I got to save you from the Collectors, Samantha." A hesitation.

"You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Shepard's piercing green eyes stayed on Samantha. The Specialist didn't know what to feel. She felt warm and relieved, but at the same time uncomfortable and apprehensive. She didn't know what to do. Would she suffer the same fate again if she would try to get closer to Shepard? Or would she be successful this time? _No. I can't do it. _She_ will have to._

And so Samantha just smiled warmly and looked away. Her face felt hot. Her cheeks were probably fire-red too. "It's alright, Shepard. It was wrong of me to flirt with my superior officer. I don't usually go against the regs."

Shepard actually laughed. The mere presence of her Comm Specialist sent the energy returning to the redhead in pulsing flows. She shuffled closer to Samantha and cupped Traynor's face in her hands. "Screw the regs."

Before she knew what was going on, Samantha felt Shepard's soft lips pressing on hers. The warmth that had accumulated in her face flooded downward to her toes and then upward again. She leaned in to answer the kiss. Cautiously, at first, but when Shepard grabbed her hips she threw herself at the redhead fully, landing in the Commander's lap as a result. They kissed passionately. Their hands gripped each other's faces. Shepard tugged at Samantha's hair playfully and leaned back to lie down on the couch. Samantha had no choice but to climb on top of the Commander if she didn't want to lose contact with the other's lips. With a sigh she lowered herself on Shepard's strong body and was quickly rewarded with a warm hand under her shirt exploring the skin of her neck and upper back. She shivered under Shepard's touch and kissed her intensely in return, tongue brushing tongue. Shepard sighed in pleasure and pulled Samantha even closer.

"Commander, I have a message for you from Dr. Chakwas," EDI's voice suddenly rang. "She wants you to report to the Medbay so she can perform a final check before clearing you for active duty. I also have to inform you that we have almost arrived at the Citadel."

EDI's interruption had caused Samantha to jump up in surprise and now she found herself standing beside Shepard. The Commander smiled at her ruefully.

"I see someone has taken over Joker's bad sense of timing," Shepard complained. "I'm sorry, Samantha, but I have to go. Make yourself comfortable, though. If you want to." The Commander stood up, gave Samantha a quick kiss on the lips and walked over to the door.

Samantha was disappointed that their moment had ended so soon, but relieved that it at least hadn't ended with her in tears this time. Watching the Commander's beautiful figure walk away from her, she actually felt hopeful. She opened her mouth to say something just as Shepard turned around to flash a smile and a wink at Samantha.

"Commander, before you leave, what is the result of your empirical testing?" Samantha asked, emboldened by Shepard's behaviour. She received a playful smirk in return.

"Hypothesis proven, Specialist. You are indeed a very good kisser." With that Shepard turned around and left her cabin.

Samantha stood smiling at the closed door for a long time.


	9. The Second Spectre

**A/N: okay, this chapter is a bit overdue. Whoops. I can only say I can _try_ to update more regularly, but I cannot _promise_ anything. My mind is a little like Traynor's sometimes: it will just sit there and laugh at me while I make futile attempts to put it to work. Do you know what does help me focus though? Reviews. They are crunchy and wholesome and good for my mind. **

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Captain's Cabin]

Shepard had locked herself in her cabin immediately upon returning to the starship after the failed Citadel coup. She had been quite exhausted on approach to the immense space station and Dr. Chakwas had wanted to declare Shepard unfit for duty yet again because of it. Since Shepard thought she'd only have to talk to the salarian Councilor, she had convinced the doctor to at least let her go to the Presidium. When the _Normandy_ didn't receive any clearance to dock and Thane Krios had instead spoken through the comm channel, the Commander had thought it necessary to do her duty despite her exhaustion. She was not about to let Cerberus take over the Citadel. She hadn't been prepared for the fighting that had ensued, however, and the mission had strained her to her maximum capacities. The unraveling of Councilor Udina's betrayal of the Council, Shepard's desperate attempt to convince Ashley, and, finally, Thane's death, had all taken their toll on the Commander. She had felt completely and utterly spent in the end and had walked back to her cabin in a haze.

As it was, Shepard was now standing in front of the mirror in her bathroom. She had finally been able to sleep for a good couple of hours and she felt somewhat rested. Unfortunately, being awake also brought back all the memories of what had happened a few hours back. She thought about the drell and how incredibly sad she was that he had died. She was glad that she had had the opportunity to be there for him and Kolyat, but that didn't ease her pain. Thane had been a trusted and valued friend. He had opened his heart to her, made her feel like an actual person worthy of attention again. Even though she hadn't been able to return his feelings, she had been extremely grateful.

And then there was Ashley. Meeting each other when the Reapers hit Earth had not been easy for either of them. They had both still been angry and ashamed at the same time. Ashley had voiced her discomfort being around Shepard on Mars and the Commander had felt somewhat rejected-just like she had felt that day on Horizon. They had been trying to get over their mutual anger and frustration with one another and just as they were making the slightest progress, Dr. Eva Core had almost killed the brunette. Shepard had been extremely worried about Ashley ever since and she had ordered Huerta Memorial to be monitored closely while Williams was recovering there. Liara's Shadow Broker network had proven very useful for such an endeavour. The Commander had also made it a personal mission to visit Ashley as often as possible in an attempt to smoothen things out between the two of them. She had hoped that Ash would join the _Normandy_ crew once again, but the sturdy brunette had accepted Councilor Udina's offer and thus became the second Spectre in humanity's history. Shepard understood her motives, of course, but at the time that too had felt like a slight rejection. It was no wonder that the two were still wary around each other when Cerberus hit the Citadel. Shepard had been so afraid that she'd have to kill her former gunnery chief. It had taken every inch of her persuasive capabilities to get Ashley to see reason. In the end, things had worked out, but it had not been easy. Shepard was glad that, this time, Williams had at least accepted her offer to join her in her mission to stop the Reapers.

It was as if merely thinking about Ashley summoned the woman, for a few seconds later, Shepard could hear the second Spectre's voice calling out from behind the door.

"Commander?"

Shepard quickly put her hair up and ordered EDI to unlock her door. As soon as the opening was wide enough for Ashley to walk through, she strode into the room and sat down on the couch without waiting for permission. Shepard looked at her, slightly confused, and then followed suit. They were silent for a little while, each apparently lost in her own thoughts.

Ashley, who had absently been chewing on a loose strand of hair, was the first to speak. "Just so you know, I would've backed down anyway."

That definitely got Shepard's attention. The redhead quirked an eyebrow and studied the other woman. "Why would you take such a risk, then? You could've gotten yourself killed!"

Ash tucked the wet strand behind her ear and gave a weak smile. "To be honest, I trusted you since the whole thing on Mars, but it took your interruption on Garrus pointing his rifle at me for me to fully realise it." She paused for a moment, giving Shepard an opportunity to respond, but the Commander just nodded. "I had another reason. My gut told me Udina was behaving strangely, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I thought that maybe if it took a long time for you to convince me, Udina would grow certain that he would win, making him easier to crack afterwards. I know it was a big risk to take, but I thought that if I backed down immediately then he wouldn't have budged and, most importantly, the Council wouldn't have believed you and maybe even put themselves between you and him. I think I was willing to die to let the truth come out. I was doing my duty."

Shepard had been staring at Ashley with growing admiration in her eyes. She nodded again after the Spectre finished speaking. "That was very brave of you, Ash. I'm proud of you." The Commander smiled warmly.

Ashley felt a little awkward, she wasn't used to being praised, and so she rolled her eyes and grinned. "Don't go all soft on me, Skipper. You weren't so soppy when you had your gun pointed at me." She punched Shepard in the shoulder playfully.

The Commander pretended to be in great pain after Ashley's vicious punch, rubbing her shoulder excessively and groaning loudly. They started to laugh. For a brief moment, they felt like they were back on the _Normandy SR-1_. Their relationship hadn't been so complicated back then.

"So just for the record, Ash, are we good?" Shepard asked, suddenly serious.

Ashley nodded. "We are, Skipper."

"Good. You are one of my best friends and I absolutely hated Cerberus' interference with our friendship." Shepard nudged Ashley in the ribs. "Liara says you've become quite competent," she said with a smirk.

A faint blush covered the brunette's cheeks. "She said that? Huh. How have things been with you two, anyway? Are you still keeping the crew awake at night while you embrace every eternity out there?" She teased, effectively deflecting Shepard's insinuation.

Shepard's lips formed a thin line as she shook her head. "No, we broke up a while ago. Don't really want to talk about it. But we're still very good friends."

Ashley considered that for a moment. Before she could say anything, however, the Commander surprised her by speaking her mind without being forced to do so. "I've been having very bad dreams lately, Ash. It's been keeping me awake at night. I feel drained of energy almost all the time. Sometimes I wish I could sleep in someone's embrace for just one night, maybe that would protect me from the nightmares, but then reality sets in and I realize I've pushed everyone away who has even showed a remote interest in me." Shepard sighed. She regretted confessing this to her old friend immediately, cursed herself for her moment of weakness, and so she added, "Don't tell anyone or I'll kill you".

Ashley's expression was one of genuine concern. She placed a hand on Shepard's arm and looked at the Commander intently. "_Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air_." Noticing the Commander's frown, she immediately flashed her an almost apologetic smile.

The Commander grinned despite herself. "Who are you quoting this time, Williams?" she asked sarcastically.

The brunette shrugged. "John Quincy Adams. You know I'm not good with these things. But that's beside the point, Skipper. I guess I was trying to say that if you show some courage in romance for a change, and not only in brutally murdering geth or Reapers, you might discover that it's actually not so damn hard." Ashley squeezed Shepard's arm for good measure.

Shepard smiled. "Thanks, Ash. Despite your immensely annoying habit of using quotes whenever conversations turn serious, I think you may have actually helped me." She tried to stand up to go but Ashley's hand on her arm held her firmly in place. A wicked grin was displayed on the former gunnery chief's face.

"Wait a minute, Skipper. Who are you trying to fool here? Tell me who you've set your sights on!" She crossed her legs and giddily bounced from left to right, all the while poking Shepard in the arm like a little girl.

Shepard laughed as she deflected another poke and took hold of Ashley's hand. "I don't know if you've met her already, but my comm specialist, Samantha Traynor, is _really hot_. And whenever I kill husks or marauders or whatever, I think about how these small victories keep her safe for yet another day."

"Awwww, that's so sweet, Skip. So how come she's not sleeping in your bed every night?"

Shepard sighed. "Well, here's my problem. I pushed her away, too. Though I did try to make it up to her before the events on the Citadel. We kissed, even. But now I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared that I'll hurt her again, just like I hurt Liara." Shepard's green eyes shone with fear as she looked at Ashley.

"You never know what's gonna happen, but you should go for it while you can. We might be dead before all this ends so grow some quads, as Wrex would say, and go for the girl! If she digs you as well then there's no reason to be such a chicken."

"To be such a chicken _what_, Major Williams?" Shepard retorted with a sly grin.

"Ma'am," Ashley answered, throwing in a perfect salute.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - CIC]

_Okay. Focus, Sam. You used to be able to do that. It happens when you put your brain to work. Work work, not..._other_ work. It's like counting, only using haptics and QEC._

It's just that the second Spectre in human history had joined the _Normandy_ crew a few hours ago, and that said Spectre was not only very hot but also talking to the Commander right now. _Thank you, EDI, for the live updates_. Samantha didn't know the fine details of their relationship, but seeing the two interact briefly while they were walking through the CIC a while ago gave her the feeling they shared something. A pang of jealousy had been shooting through her stomach at regular intervals ever since the Specialist had first set eyes on Ashley Williams. Her mind was playing tricks on her.

_Come on, Sam. You are not the jealous type. What's going on with you? Focus on your work, you bloody fool._

Traynor typed a few commands on her haptic interface and waited for the results to emerge.

_She is smoking hot, though. Damn. Shepard probably thinks so too._

A list of ANN comms appeared. Not satisfied with what she was seeing on the screen, she typed in another set of commands and waited again.

_What if they are kissing right now? Stop it, Sam. You were there when Shepard kissed you in her cabin, weren't you? Stop being so insecure!_

_..._

_So then why haven't you spoken to Shepard alone ever since, huh, Sam?_

_..._

_Maybe I should ask EDI to listen in on them?_

_..._

_Okay, stop it!_

The terminal beeped. Samantha blinked and tried to focus on the screen. It was flashing with a message from Diana Allers. Traynor narrowed her eyes as she considered whether she should open it. Diana's messages were never work-related. Ever since the reporter had found out that Samantha had a crush on Shepard, she had been sending the Specialist messages of a highly suggestive nature. Sometimes also about other women on the _Normandy._ She remembered one particular message that contained a picture of a naked-

_SAM! Stop. Rambling. Start. FOCUSING!_

She stored the message for later viewing. It wasn't exactly that Traynor had no work to do. Admiral Hackett had asked her to monitor several information feeds and news channels and filter out any messages that were suspicious enough to possibly contain hidden Cerberus communications. It was a task Samantha liked doing as it gave her the opportunity to use her head.

_Of course there are other ways to use my head, more seductive, _pleasurable_ ways..._

_Really, Sam. Really?! SHUT UP._

Deciding that she was of no use like this, Traynor decided to just read the message Allers had sent her. Her mind couldn't possibly be any worse than it was already. She pulled it up on her screen and let her eyes glide over the text.

* * *

_To: S. Traynor_

_From: D. Allers_

_Subject: S&S_

_Sammie, have you had Shepard for dinner yet? Maybe with a little cream on top? Ha ha. Come down to see me if you are free, I'm bored. You can go down on me as well. It is hot in here._

* * *

Samantha looked around to see whether anyone in the CIC had heard her involuntary moan. Nobody seemed to have noticed. She silently cursed Diana. The woman was insufferable. Mentioning anything sexual in relation to Shepard didn't exactly do anything to safeguard Traynor's ability to focus on her work. Plus, Diana knew Samantha wanted nothing more than to get even closer to the Commander. Traynor did enjoy the reporter's company, though. Diana was the type of girl one liked to go to a bar with. She was always in for a rowdy chat. But anything beyond that, unthinkable.

_Bloody hell. I'm not getting any work done. Might as well go complain about Shepard and Ashley Williams being in the same room together for so long..._

With a sigh, Traynor logged herself out of her terminal and took the elevator down to see Allers.


	10. Quarian Influence

**A/N: Dear readers, is a wonderful thing. While I've taken a temporary leave of absence lately to work through some personal and professional issues, I've also found someone through this very website. A person I've come to love and who makes my days ever so much brighter. My own Traynor, so to speak. I'm happy that, in consequence, I've finally been able to get this chapter out to you. I would like to thank you for sticking with this story. A special thanks to DoomKitteh for proofreading. And a most special thank you to my sweet lemur, you know who you are.**

**Now, let's reign in those hormones a little. In this chapter I've taken some liberties with the geth dreadnought mission, but it's not very far removed from the actual thing. I hope you'll enjoy it!**

* * *

[Geth Dreadnought]

"Take a look at this," Tali said as she put the Arc Pistol down on the table next to Shepard. The quarian had joined the squad at Perseus Veil and had immediately been brought along to the next mission. Not that Shepard had any choice in the matter.

As Tali was fiddling with her omni-tool to open the next hatch, Shepard tested the weight of the Arc Pistol, balancing the weapon in one hand. She then swirled around and dropped to one knee to check the weapon's grip during swift movements. Deciding that it was worth testing on the battlefield, she kept it on as a side-arm. "EDI, take my Carnifex. I'll be testing this baby today." EDI caught the heavy pistol—flung into the air by Shepard in one careless movement—effortlessly.

"There, it's open. We're clear to go," came Tali's masked voice. The three of them walked through the hatch and into a rather dark space.

As Shepard took out the Arc Pistol again in anticipation of enemy contact, EDI shot a glance at it. "It's like using polonium-tipped rounds against organics," she remarked. Tali, still eyeing EDI warily—a synthetic was a synthetic after all—nodded in agreement. "Which is illegal," EDI added.

"It transmits an energy pulse on contact that destroys shields in synthetics." Tali explained to the Commander.

A malicious grin crossed Shepard's face. Waving the gun towards the opposite side of the room, she signaled her squad to take point. "Where are we headed?" she asked the quarian.

"We're looking for an operations center. I can disable the Reaper command center from there. We need to go past their defense network and through a sensor cluster."

As they rounded a column that was transmitting digitalized information to god-knows-where, a small group of geth troopers, led by a rocket trooper, attacked. Not bothering to duck for cover, Shepard pointed her Arc Pistol at the rocket trooper and cut through its shields like a hot knife through butter. Surveying the destruction she had just inflicted, the Commander let out a satisfied guffaw.

"You're a miracle worker, Tali!"

"I haven't been idle during your detainment on Earth, Shepard," the quarian responded, forgetting herself for a moment. It earned her a look from the Commander.

"I mean, well, you know what I mean..."

"You mean you have been busy while I was grounded for trying to buy us more time before the Reapers arrived," Shepard quipped.

Realizing she may have touched upon a sensitive subject, Tali mowed down the last remaining geth in one aggressive movement and then took cover beside the still silent Commander. Not knowing whether to apologize or keep talking, she chose to change the subject. "How are things between you and Liara?"

Shepard fixed the quarian with her usual sharp, emerald gaze. Even though Tali was wearing a mask, the Commander's piercing eyes could make her feel almost naked at times.

"We're not together anymore." Shepard's mood started to make a 180-degree turnaround.

"No way!" Tali blurted out before she could catch herself.

"Yes way," came an annoyed reply. Shepard rolled out of cover, circled another column and engaged the next pack of hostile geth. They took out three more groups like the previous one before the attacks died down. Both EDI and Tali used their tech skills to confuse, disable or mislead the geth while Shepard played hide and seek-cloaking and then suddenly appearing right behind a geth trooper to finish it off using her omni-blade. Tali had known Shepard long enough to notice frustration in her fighting behavior. She cursed herself for her insensitivity.

They passed through a room with a signals comm. A quick scan performed by EDI made it clear that the geth were completely under Reaper control. Whether this fact worried the Commander was hard to tell. She was scowling, but her scowl may well have been caused by Tali's questions. The now odd angle to the scar on her eyebrow made her look even more vexed.

Tali decided to re-open the conversation in an effort to appease Shepard. "I'm sorry about what I just said, Shepard, I didn't know."

Motioning EDI to check the computer to see if anything could be done about the Reaper signal from here, the Commander turned around to face the quarian. "It's okay, Tali. I suppose it was a logical question for you to ask. It all still bothers me, though, and there's a lot on my plate right now." Shepard's voice was strained, yet conveyed no irritation towards Tali. The little quarian nodded.

"I understand, Shepard. You know you can talk to me any time you want, right?"

The only answer she got was an absent 'hmm'. Before Tali could repeat herself to make sure the Commander knew she could count on her, EDI reported that she could do nothing from this location as she would have to override all geth at the same time were she to halt their attack on the quarians. Such a feat was impossible given the time limit and available resources. EDI's conclusion effectively closed off any possibility for further conversation and the party moved on to the massive, rectangular room that was the Operations Center. It was filled with geth hunters. Making use of her cloaking abilities, Shepard moved to the far side of the room—something she was certainly not known to do—and started to snipe the hunters, completely focused on EDI and Tali in the front, from behind, occasionally finishing them off by incinerating them. Whenever a hunter would turn around to attack Shepard, she would cloak and take it down instantly.

To say that Tali was unhappy with all this geth attention was an understatement, and she grunted every time a hunter came a little too close for her taste. This rashness towards her squad in battle was a side of the Commander Tali had never seen before. Something was off, but she would think twice before burning her fingers in conversation with Shepard again. After the last geth had been taken out, she walked in the direction of the console instead.

"Let's see if that console is operational."

Shepard and EDI joined the quarian momentarily as she began typing away on the haptic interface. "Damn it! They've locked down the Reaper signal. We can't shut it down from the Operations Center!" Tali exclaimed, clearly annoyed. She entered a couple of commands and, in response, a holo of the dreadnought appeared. One area was highlighted. "There! The Reaper signal is coming from the drive core!"

As they discussed their possible entry points, Shepard became increasingly aware of Tali's vast growth in competence since they had first met years ago. Her friend was no naive 'little quarian' anymore. She was a battle-hardened soldier. An extraordinarily gifted machinist. And an Admiral to boot. Tali was now most definitely capable of guiding Shepard when needed. A similar thought concerning both Liara and Ashley started to form in the Commander's mind, but was consequently pushed away in an effort to keep the focus on the task at hand. After a quick, but careful, approving squeeze of Tali's shoulder, Shepard led the party deeper into the bowels of the geth dreadnought.

The next area had multiple screens processing digital 0s and 1s. Countless wires were running in-between the screens and several electronic caches that were built into niches in the walls. These walls were connected to a big column in the middle of the room. The column spanned several levels, which were bridged by sturdy metal ladders. Shepard was no geth scientist, but to her the column in the middle looked like a data processing center of some sorts.

"Geth not loaded into mobile platforms serve on the ship itself," EDI remarked, glancing around.

Tali felt her body shiver as they followed Shepard warily, careful not to step on any of the wires. "For all our cybernetic implants, I'll never understand integrating into a system that completely."

"It prevents the solitary from making decisions not supported by the collective. Studying organics, I've come to conclude that oftentimes they find the ability to make decisions quickly and on their own to be preferable. I agree." EDI answered.

Shepard did not pause to listen to their banter. She kept on at a steady pace, feeling sure that they were getting closer to the drive core. "Come on, it can't be much farther now," she called back to her squad. Tali and EDI caught up with the Commander and began their descent down the ladders. Tali fed incoming updates regarding the status of the quarian fleet to Shepard while climbing down. The situation was not looking good for the quarians; they were being overtaken by the geth at every turn. Shepard shook her head and sighed.

"We have to hope they can hold on a little while longer. Tell them we're moving as fast as we can. We _will_ get this job done." The usually convincing and brisk tone of the Commander's voice was now laced with something else—it had a subtle but weary intonation. Tali noticed the change and wavered for a brief moment, but then nodded and relayed Shepard's message to the other Admirals.

They came to a large hallway littered with active geth. To make matters worse, the place was zapped by a giant shockwave at frequent intervals. Shepard ordered her squad to stay in cover whenever the shockwave approached and to move forward slowly and carefully in-between shockwaves. EDI took the right side of the hallway, whereas Shepard and Tali positioned themselves on the left. The true abundance of geth made Shepard thankful for the Arc Pistol the quarian had brought for her.

Seeing EDI send out a decoy right after a shockwave had passed by, the Commander popped out of cover and tried to disable the shields of a rocket trooper. Her shot missed, eliciting a curse from Shepard—she hardly ever missed a shot. Tali stepped in to aid in the effort by sending her combat drone forward. They ducked back into cover when they saw another shockwave approaching. As Tali looked at the Commander for any sign to resume movement, she noticed Shepard nervously fidgeting with her weapon and mumbling to herself. Shepard must have felt the quarian looking at her for she immediately raised her head and eyed her. She opened her mouth as if to speak, closed it, then opened it again. "I'm glad to see you again, Tali. Things have been rough. I'm not sleeping well. I've hurt Liara. I keep hurting others as well." Suddenly seeing an opening on the battlefield, Shepard ran forward to the next cover. She motioned for Tali to join her. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I don't suppose I'll get a medal for appropriate timing. But I guess I can't hold it in any longer. You've always been a good friend to me."

Tali resisted the urge to bite her lip—it would be a bad idea to risk getting an infection right now—as she was mulling over an appropriate reply. Before she could say anything, however, she was surprised by a sudden attack at the hands of a rapidly uncloaking geth hunter. The Commander responded immediately and protected Tali by slicing the hunter in two with her omni-blade. "You are _not_ getting killed while I'm pouring my heart out to you." Somehow Shepard had managed to sound childishly stubborn, drawing an involuntary smirk from the quarian.

When she had recovered, Tali continued the conversation. "Are you losing hope, Shepard?" Tali asked, turning serious.

The Commander arched one eyebrow, she needed a few seconds to think about this. She took the liberty of shooting an approaching geth trooper while she was at it.

"No," was her eventual reply. "It is not that. It's just a heavy burden to carry on my own."

Tali shot a hunter on EDI's side of the hallway—receiving an appreciative nod from the synthetic—and moved forward to the next cover. Shepard was already perched there after having taken down another geth with her heavy pistol. "Are things bad between you and Liara?" Tali asked. She expected a chiding reply, but none came. Instead, after a pause, Shepard gave her an honest answer.

"No, not bad, just different. I can't bring myself to talk to her too much. I've hurt her enough already."

Encouraged by Shepard's frank reply and remembering her saying something about hurting others before, Tali pressed on. "Whom else did you hurt?"

An expression of genuine confusion entered the Commander's face. She cloaked, ran forward, and viciously took out a rocket trooper near EDI. Rolling back to where Tali was taking cover, she misjudged the timing of the shockwave and received the impending electric current full-on. Shields faltering, she crawled the last inches towards the quarian and got shot in the leg a couple of times by a geth making good use of the opportunity presented to it. The Commander grunted in pain as she joined Tali—who was muttering something strangely similar to _bosh'tet—_behind a low wall.

"Aside from myself, I've also hurt another person very dear to me," Shepard spoke in a whisper as Tali applied medi-gel to the wounded leg. EDI shouted she'd go on ahead and look for a way to deactivate the shockwave.

"You can tell me, Shepard," encouraged Tali. She gave Shepard's leg one last pat and reached out to pick up the Arc Projector the Commander had dropped when the shockwave hit her. The quarian retracted her arm just in time for the next wave to pass by without causing any harm. Off to the front somewhere, geth were falling noisily at EDI's shots, aimed with deadly precision.

"There is a new Comm Specialist on the _Normandy_, her name is Samantha Traynor. She has feelings for me and I for her. But I've already hurt her. I'm trying to fix it but I'm afraid I'll hurt her again. I don't have time to think about it properly with Reapers and near-certain death knocking on our door."

The Commander's expression betrayed that she was burdened immensely by her worries about Traynor. Being unable to convey feelings through touch had made the quarian very perceptive to body language. She knew, however, that Shepard _could_ feel touch. And so she did something she had never done before; she took Shepard's hands in her own gloved ones and held them tightly. The Commander raised her head in surprise.

"Shepard. If near-certain death is knocking on our door, as you so eloquently put it, you might as well immerse yourself in Samantha Traynor as fully as you can. It's possible for you, at least. It is not for me. Take advantage of what you've got and go for it." Tali's voice was strong. Shepard was surprised by the confidence in Tali's voice. No, she definitely was not a little quarian anymore.

Suddenly the gunfire died down as EDI killed the last geth in the hallway. A few moments later the shockwaves ceased. A serene silence enveloped the room. Shepard raised her head, studied her surroundings, and finally let her eyes rest on her old friend. The words spoken by Ashley a few days ago, so very similar to Tali's, resonated in the Commander's head. At last, her smile reached her striking green eyes again.

"You are right. I will go talk to her. Now let's give the quarians some breathing space and disable this motherfucker of a ship."

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - CIC]

Traynor was standing in her usual spot in the CIC, rapidly typing commands into the console. She had been monitoring the unfolding events on the geth dreadnought, yet she hadn't been able to get an audio feed due to the quarian Admirals taking up all incoming communications. She could've gotten hold of them had she applied herself to the task, but her thoughts distracted her. Samantha was increasingly worried about Shepard's safety during missions and attributed this worry to her growing care for the Commander. Traynor sighed in relief every time the beautiful redhead made her way back onto the starship safely. Upon returning from the dreadnought, Shepard had to go to the Med Bay to get medical care, but had been released only an hour later. This quick release meant that her injuries had not been very serious.

Samantha now found herself wondering whether she should go up to the Commander's cabin to talk to her. They had hardly had an opportunity to talk since their passionate kiss—the kiss that actually had _not_ made Shepard run away in trepidation—right before the attack on the Citadel. Any exchange they did have in passing took place in the CIC and was therefore not very intimate. To put it more bluntly, none of their recent exchanges served to satisfy the Specialist's hunger for the Commander.

Because Traynor got along with Diana Allers quite well, and because the reporter offered some very welcome distraction whenever Shepard was unavailable—which was almost all the time—Samantha had gone down to the Starboard Cargo Bay a couple of times to get her mind off sex. Or, rather, the lack of it. However, it was rather unfortunate that the reporter had learned of Samantha's infatuation with the Commander, for now every conversation they shared was about sex, and sex only. And the more Diana noticed Samantha becoming flustered by this topic, the worse she became in her scandalous, yet well-worded—she was a journalist after all—propositions.

_Bloody Diana. Her and her sexual innuendos. No, not innuendos. She's moved far beyond that. She's flat out rowdy in her sexual chatter_. _Damn her. _

_I need to kiss Shepard again or I will lose my mind._

Her hand hovered over her omni-tool, ready to send a message to the Commander asking whether she could come up. She didn't dare to just show up out of the blue, not yet.

_What if I misunderstood our kiss? Mistook it for something it was not? Ah, hell. You're truly turning into a pussy, Sam. Diana would say it's better to eat one than be one. Oh, god. I'm turning into Diana..._

Just as Samantha decided to be all brave and forward and send word to Shepard saying she wanted to see her, her omni-tool bleeped with an incoming message.

It was from Shepard.

Eyes wide in anticipation, Traynor tapped the screen to gain access to the Commander's words.

* * *

_To: S. Traynor_

_From: Cmdr. S. Shepard_

_Subject: Downtime_

_Samantha, come see me in my cabin when you're free. Don't bring your chess board. I have something else in mind. -Siobhan_

* * *

Samantha could not have made a straighter beeline for the elevator.


	11. Release

**A/N: I've had to change the story's rating to M for this chapter. This new rating also serves as a warning to any who may not like reading explicit content. It is nothing too shocking, but, nevertheless, consider yourselves forewarned! It's also the very first time ever that I've attempted to write a sex scene. So _please_ let me know what you think! Your reviews matter a lot to me. Enjoy!**

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Captain's Cabin]

Shepard was pacing back and forth between her bed and cabin door, looking very much like a caged tiger, eyes focused yet unseeing. She couldn't even begin to comprehend why she had sent Traynor the exact message she had sent-it sounded more like a booty call than anything else. And that had _not_ been her intention. She wanted to _talk_ to Traynor...first. There were things she had to say. A leap she was willing to take, but only after having explained certain...issues...to her immensely attractive Comm Specialist. She would not have Samantha dive into this-whatever 'this' was-without explaining to her why she had backed off that very first time, which seemed so long ago now. She hoped Samantha hadn't misunderstood her intentions.

Involuntarily, thoughts about Liara started to flutter through Shepard's mind. Yes, she would have to explain about Liara as well. Tell Samantha why that relationship had gone wrong. It was crucial for Traynor's understanding of the complexity of Shepard's commitment issues.

Were they even commitment issues? Maybe not. Maybe they were just what they were; deep-rooted fears. Yet what were commitment issues if not fears?

Shepard cursed herself for her untimely philosophizing. This was not the time and place to reflect. She knew what she had to say. She knew she _needed_ to say it. Running her hand through her loose-hanging auburn hair, she turned and walked to the bathroom to look at herself in a mirror. She looked good today, if she had to say so herself. There had been days when she hadn't had those bags under her eyes indicating weeks upon weeks of sleep deprivation, but other than that she could've looked worse. Aside from her clothes, though. They were not very sexy; simple grey sweatpants and a close-fitting blue shirt. Not that her looks should be overly important right this very moment-she wasn't about to jump on top of Samantha the minute she walked through the door, now, was she? Not without speaking her mind first. The jumping, well, judging by the appalling message she had not been able to stop herself from sending minutes ago (hours?), the jumping could come afterwards. If Samantha was still willing.

Walking back to the trail she had been making between bed and door earlier, the Commander firmly resolved not to let her steadily growing current of passion and lust for Samantha Traynor get the best of her. She would do what was right.

Suddenly, her cabin door started to slide open with an almost inaudible _whoosj_. That's right, she remembered now; she had unlocked it for Traynor. Shepard turned around to-

Enter the olive-skinned goddess.

Shepard's jaw dropped.

* * *

[Normandy SR-2 - Captain's Cabin]

Samantha came to a halt when she saw Shepard staring at her, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. _Oh, so you like this dress, huh? Good. I knew this one would be a winner. _She allowed herself a small but smug smile. After having received the Commander's message, Traynor had almost gone up to Shepard's quarters immediately. Then she had suddenly changed her mind, making a pitstop at her locker first and the women's bathroom second to grab and put on a cute little black dress. It was the only pretty garment she had on the _Normandy_, and she wanted to make use of it for once. Samantha knew she looked positively stunning in the dress. It accentuated her curves exactly where they needed accentuating-that is to say, it fit nicely on her well-rounded ass-and its V-shaped neckline showed just enough cleavage to make it enticing, yet by no means slutty. Classy black heels finished the outfit and not only made her feel more confident, but also helped her _radiate_ this confidence. This was the package Shepard was presented with, beautifully wrapped and waiting to be opened.

Shepard, who was still staring, barely remembered to breathe. Her resolve to have a serious chat with Samantha was rapidly evaporating. She needed to say something _now_, or completely lose herself in this pure, divine beauty Traynor revealed herself to be.

"Samantha..." Shepard had intended to sound resolved, but instead she sounded as if she was saying 'if you take but one step closer I swear I'll ravish you right here right now'.

The latter was closer to what Samantha picked up from Shepard's one-word sentence and she took a step forward, heel clicking on the floor with an almost deafening noise. The Commander's hamster got a scare and ran back into its little wooden house.

"Shepard, I got your message and obliged. No chess board," Samantha cooed. _Where did I suddenly get all this courage from? Can't possibly be this dress? Shepard's still just staring at me. Maybe I'm overdoing it?_

_Don't start thinking now. You'll ruin it, Sam. _

Shepard wanted to say something, thought she _should_ say something, but found her mouth dry. An unrestrained thought questioned the why of her sudden enchantment with Samantha. Another unrestrained thought reminded her of the fact that she hadn't had sex in close to a year. Her face twisted as the started to accept the inevitable.

_Why does Shepard suddenly look so distraught? Oh, for fuck's sake. Good job, Sam. Too bloody soon yet again._

Shepard blinked. It was hopeless.

She caved in.

The distance between the two women was closed quickly; Shepard nearly launched herself at Samantha. Cupping Traynor's head in both her hands, the Commander pressed her lips to Sam's.

Samantha's eyes widened with shock at first, and then her world ignited. Or maybe just her loins. She threw her arms around Shepard and answered the kiss, sucking on her lips gently yet hungrily at the same time. A few licks served to part Shepard's lips and invited Samantha's tongue inside. They wrestled, slowly at first-and a bit awkwardly too-then accelerating to the point of a necessary pause to catch breaths.

Panting, Shepard stood and looked Samantha in the eyes-dark eyes shining with passion and hunger. Irresistible eyes. She closed the distance between them again, now fully pressing into Traynor, breasts separated from breasts by nothing but removable fabric, and kissed her on the mouth again. Alternating between suckling and biting, she elicited now a moan and then a shudder from Samantha. Her hands were slowly tracing the zipper's path down Samantha's back, toying with the slider, pulling it up and pushing it down, yet not completely undoing it.

Samantha grabbed Shepard's somehow already disheveled hair on the back of her head in an effort to pull the other woman even closer. Her other hand slid effortlessly underneath Shepard's shirt and put pressure on her back. Shepard sighed, reveling in the pleasure she was experiencing, and finally undid Samantha's zipper. She felt herself being guided towards her own bed.

Just before they reached the edge of the bed, Samantha broke the kiss and gave Shepard a push. Shepard landed on the bed and assumed a sitting position while Samantha remained standing. Slowly, Traynor reached up to the right short sleeve of her dress. She wrapped her fingers round the sleeve and gently pulled it down, revealing a smooth, silky-soft, golden brown shoulder. She treated the left sleeve in an equal fashion, and ultimately let the dress fall onto the floor. Now, wearing nothing but a black laced bra and matching panties, she shot Shepard a challenging look.

"Fuck..." Shepard croaked. She was unaware of her lovestruck grin.

Samantha, feeling she had gained the upper hand in their love game so far, gained confidence. "Take off your shirt," she ordered sternly.

Shepard obliged instantly. Her milk-white skin appeared and began extending upwards as Shepard lifted her shirt, suddenly revealing firm breasts, nipples erect as if standing at attention. _Fuck, she has no bra on.._. With a flick of her wrists Shepard threw the shirt into a corner of the room.

Samantha, momentarily captivated by the firmness of Shepard's breasts, released an involuntary sigh but regained composure quickly. She shot the Commander an appreciative look.

"Those sweatpants. Take them off too."

Again, Shepard obliged instantly. Fierce as she was leading her squad in combat, she had no problems taking orders in _this_ department. Shifting on the bed to enable herself to take off her pants, she never broke eye contact with Samantha. The sweatpants were dropped in a puddle on the floor and Shepard remained seated, now only wearing red underwear. It was an almost exact match with her hair color.

_So she has other panties besides SA issued ones. That's a plus right there!_

Samantha remained standing and appraised Shepard's strong body. Even when seated, her abs were marvelously shaped. The muscles in her arms and legs were well-toned. Her breasts, oh god her breasts, _magnificent._ Just above them Samantha saw two slightly protruding collarbones and a long, graceful neck, here and there obscured by an auburn lock. Shepard's lips, slightly parted and swollen with the blood rush of desire pumping through them, nearly screamed for touch as they awaited what was to come. And then there were her eyes. Those piercing, emerald eyes. Not fierce, this time, but ravenous. Desiring one thing, and one thing only. Samantha.

The feeling was entirely mutual.

"I want you." Samantha climbed on top of Shepard, kissing her neck and tucking the red locks away with her mouth.

Shepard firmly took hold of Samantha's body, placing her hands on Traynor's sides, softly kneading the underlying flesh. She buried her head in the curve of Samantha's breasts and inhaled her spicy, woody scent. She placed soft kisses in the valley and traced the curves with her tongue. Traynor's body heat engulfed her as she tasted the skin she had secretly, unknowingly, been longing to taste.

Part of Shepard wanted to rip Samantha's clothes off and fuck her senseless, but it wasn't just about the sex. Somehow, it had already become more than that. It felt like more. It felt _real_. But it didn't stop that pulsating feeling between her legs from increasing. She wanted to be touched badly, yet she also wanted to savor the moment. And so she gave in to Samantha. The reins, they were not hers to hold anymore. They were Sam's. And Samantha knew it.

Taking Shepard's arms gently off her own body and letting them go where they were left dangling uselessly at Shepard's side, Samantha moved in to lick a nipple that was presenting itself willingly. She gave it a slight bite, and contentedly listened to Shepard moan. She traced the nub with her tongue as she flicked the other nipple with her fingers, feeling Shepard shudder in response. The Commander let her head hang back, eyes closed in rapture.

Shepard felt slim fingers closing on the back of her neck, pulling her head back up. Traynor's lips crashed down on hers just a split second later, tongue briefly invading Shepard's mouth before being retracted again.

"Lie back."

Shepard shifted upwards, taking care not to unbalance Traynor, and moved further back so that she could lie down on the soft sheets. They felt cool on the heated skin of her back. She was quickly rewarded with Samantha's body pressing against hers, heat radiating in from the front, compensating for its loss on the back. Samantha dug her nose in the nape of Shepard's neck and sharply inhaled the scent of the woman she had wanted to bed for so long. She wanted to take in all of Shepard; see, taste, smell, touch, and even hear, everything. She nibbled on Shepard's earlobe and then bit down in it, relishing the cry of shocked pleasure her action evoked. Showering the sensitive neck and breasts with kisses, Samantha let her hand glide over Shepard's abs and then downward. She dug her nail into Shepard's thigh as she sucked a nipple until it could not go upright any further. Her fingers started to roam around Shepard's inner thighs, carefully avoiding the heated, pulsating spot in the middle.

"You...tease..." Shepard groaned, smiling despite herself.

"Tease? Oh, I could go much, much slower..." purred Samantha.

"Fuck no!" Shepard tried to lift her head to look Samantha in the eyes, but was immediately put back down on the bed by a firm hand. "Don't, please...don't. I need you...just like...this," she breathed.

Samantha gave a throaty laugh and started working her hand towards the edge of Shepard's already soaked panties. Shepard whimpered, barely able to stop herself from begging to be touched. As Samantha's fingers found fabric, she lifted the panties up and released them, causing them to come down on Shepard's sensitive flesh with a pang. Shepard gasped.

"Fuuuuck! You-" A quick but gentle stroke on her bud came as a complete surprise and the sheer contrast with what she had felt a second ago nearly made Shepard come right that moment. "FUCK!"

Sam's fingers snaked around the panties and pulled them down. Samantha leaned back to appreciate the beauty stretching out before her. Shepard had her eyes closed, mouth twisted in the agony of insuppressible desire, chest heaving, her sex glistening like a lake in moonlight. Samantha plunged into the lake with one finger and felt the warm, slick wetness enveloping her. Shepard moaned in pleasure and unconsciously spread her legs further to give Samantha better access, who took the cue and slid another finger into welcoming folds. She curled both fingers up to reach that one sensitive spot and brushed over it. Shepard involuntarily arched upward as she let out a loud cry.

"YES! Fuck...yes! That feels...fuck!"

Samantha kept going, alternating between rotating her fingers, moving them in and out, and curling them up. All her moves were met with approving moans and sighs from Shepard, who was starting to move into Samantha's hand in an effort to further increase the pressure. Without sliding out of her, Samantha climbed on top of Shepard, and positioned herself so that she could keep her fingers inside Shepard and close her mouth around a breast at the same time. She bit down on a nipple as she added a third finger, increasing the motion of her hand, slick with wet desire.

"AHH! Don't...stop! FUCK! Samanth-...AH!" Shepard let out a range of loud cries and moans as she neared the edge and then went flying over, her orgasm crashing in, exploding her very core and sending her body quivering with delight.

Shepard's body was still pulsating with the aftershocks when Samantha slid out of her and started planting kisses on her abdomen, slowly working her way up to her breasts and finally her mouth. Shepard met the kiss eagerly; wanting ever more of Samantha; wanting all of her. They stayed like that for a while, tongues playing behind the curtains of their lips, enjoying the pressure they were feeling where their bodies met, and missing it where they felt the air brush over skin covered in goosebumps.

Suddenly Shepard grabbed Sam's hips and turned her around so that Samantha was now finding herself on the bottom.

"Your turn," Shepard croaked, "and don't worry, I won't be as slow as you were..."

Samantha laughed at the tease yet felt her loins start to burn all over again. Part of her still couldn't believe what was happening to her; she was in Shepard's bed.

Nearly naked.

Having sex.

With Shepard.

At any other given moment the mere thought of this would make her blush and send her mind running in all kinds of orgasmic fantasies. And, if possible, she would touch herself, pretend that it was Shepard's hand and not her own on her clit. But now it was real. It was all happening. And it was mind-blowing.

_Yes, take me!_

Samantha shifted somewhat to allow Shepard to unclasp her bra, revealing beautifully shaped breasts with small, but perfect, nipples. Pristine. Shepard bent down to lick them, sending shivers down Samantha's spine as she felt her nipples being embraced by hot breath and a wet tongue. It wasn't long before they were standing fully upright like two eager toy soldiers ready for battle. Continuing to massage Sam's breasts with one hand, Shepard moved lower to graze her other hand over a set of soft, lean legs. Samantha's were not as muscular as Shepard's, but they held their own.

"Aaaah! Shepard! Don't...do- ah HA HA!"

Shepard let out a giggle. "Are you ticklish, Samantha?"

She grazed Sam's inner thighs again with a finger and reveled in the uncontrollable jerking motions Sam's body was making. Samantha tried to grab Shepard's hand, guide it to another place-anything to stop the tickling. Shepard was of course stronger-if she wanted to be-but docilely let her hand be guided to Samantha's pulsating clit. She rubbed it hard. Sam arched her head back into the bed and moaned in pleasure.

"I don't like these panties anymore." Shepard pulled them off, nearly ripping them in the process because Sam couldn't be damned to lend a hand. She was too distracted, too intent on wanting to feel Shepard all over her. She got what she wanted.

Shepard brushed the back of her hand over Sam's sex, spreading out the wetness, making the bud glisten as it swelled up even further, begging for pressure. Moving her fingers over the clit in light, circular motions, Shepard watched as Samantha moaned and panted, the pleasure inside her building, rising in a steady crescendo.

"That...feels...so...yes!"

And just as suddenly the pressure was gone. Samantha groaned and looked up, ready to demand Shepard touch her again. She received a self-satisfied grin. Shepard's eyes twinkled as they locked with Samantha's. "I want to taste you."

"Mmm...o-...kayyyy," Samantha uttered, her body shuddering in anticipation. Shepard leaned in and was immediately locked in a tight hold as Samantha placed her legs on Shepard's shoulders, trying to pull her closer to her very core.

Shepard's tongue darted on the outer edges, slowly working its way to the center, nibbling at Sam's clit, licking it, circling and zigzagging over the sensitive ridge. Samantha's hands grabbed the sheets, knuckles turning white almost immediately as she pushed herself towards Shepard's mouth. Letting out a series of high and low cries, Samantha's body started to convulse as Shepard's tongue licked and sucked, adding and relieving pressure, moving fast and slow. Her panting increased, cries becoming louder and louder until Samantha came violently, her body trembling, all her muscles contracting, trapping Shepard's face in an embrace of limbs and soft, slick folds.

When Samantha's body finally relaxed and lay still, Shepard gave her mound a few licks and smacked her lips loudly in appreciation.

"You taste good."

She rested her chin on one of Samantha's thighs and admired the landscape unfolding before her eyes. Sam's sex was partly shaved and carefully trimmed, the hair pitch black and playfully curly. Her abdomen was flat, though still moving up and down quickly in the aftermath of release, creating small waves in the air. Then came the hills; Samantha's firm breasts, nipples still erect. The small dip behind them made way for a smooth neck and slight chin on the top. The chin moved as Samantha lifted her head to look Shepard in the eyes. Browns met greens, and smiled.

"Come here." Samantha rasped, her voice hoarse from all that screaming. Planting a last, moist kiss on Sam's folds, Shepard obliged and pulled Sam into a tight embrace. Their legs intertwined in their bodies' effort to be as close as possible, seeking every untouched spot and applying pressure there until they were one single surface. Breathing in the mixture of their sex scents, both women settled into each other's arms and closed their eyes, feeling a sense of peace wash over them. This was it, this was _right_.

"Samantha?"

"Mmmh?"

"Call me Siobhan."


End file.
